That’s it.  I think I need to get myself a wife.

Not as in the “lesbian lover” kind of wife . . . not that there’s anything wrong with that . . . no.  Just your plain old, run of the mill, stereotypical, back in the day, before the woman’s movement, kind of wife.

The kind that cooks and cleans.  And does laundry and ironing.  Someone that likes to bake and garden.  And perhaps does crafts with the kids and throws dinner parties.  And since I’m asking, I wouldn’t mind someone that’s really good with the bills and financials.  Preference will be given to someone with Registered Massage Therapist training and who can give killer pedicures and facials.

Honestly, doesn’t that sound like a dream?  Not that I don’t want my husband.  No.  This would be in addition to him.  This position would fill the current “Domestic Engineer” portion of MY job.

Although truthfully, I might be part of the way there.  The Husband is very good at baking, can whip up a BBQ like nobody’s business, mows a mean lawn and is good friends with both the washer & dryer.

I’m also fortunate enough to have my Mom come to my house twice a week to get the boys for lunch and after school and she really helps me out.  She’s very good with the laundry, baking, gardening and crafts.  She’s my personal seamstress and has been known to provide an after-school-activities chauffeur service to The Eldest from time to time.  But it’s only twice a week.  And frankly, I could probably keep her busy 24/7.  But then I suppose my Dad would have to get himself a new wife because she’d be all busy up at my house everyday, and well, he hasn’t been on the dating scene since the 1960′s and I’m sure he wouldn’t know where to start.  And besides – can you marry your own Mother?  I think not.

So for now I’ll just be thankful (really thankful!) for the help I do get.  But if you know anyone that may be interested, I can be reached at cher(at)theonlygirl(dot)com. The pay is minimal and the hours are long.  There’s very little vacation time and no room for advancement.  You have to buy your own uniform and there are no health benefits.

In the meantime, I’m going to look into that Polygamy thing.  Those girls might just be on to something.