The countdown is on. It’s almost that time again. That time of the year when the boys and I head down south for a week of R & R in the Mexican sun (within arms length of all-you-can-eat-guacamole I might add!)
Which means it’s also countdown time for the diet. And the sit ups. And whatever else it takes to get this good old middle-aged-mother-of-two body into beach condition.
I have about 6 weeks – and a lot of work to do.
Why do I always leave it so late? Each year I promise myself that I will start the body preparation in the Fall. But here I am in December. The month of Christmas. And chocolate. And big dinners. And cocktails. And there’s simply no way that I can be beach-ready in six weeks with all that kind of temptation surrounding me. No way.
So I’ll have to go with Plan B – I’ll have to camouflage myself instead.
I’ll search for a new forgiving and generous bathing suit. Something with a very busy pattern that distracts the eye. Maybe something from the maternity section that keeps people guessing as to my condition. They dare not say anything about the belly of a “pregnant” woman!
And maybe a big loud hat that will divert attention away from the mid-section. Maybe a pair of really ugly shoes. People won’t be able to stop looking at the shoes. Or talking about them. Which will take all attention away from the real area of concern.
Yes, that should do nicely. It’s a win – win. I get to indulge in all the goodies of the Christmas season while not becoming the talk of the beach. It’s perfect.
Got any good beach-ready tactics that you use?
9 Responses to “Beach Camouflage”
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December 2nd, 2009 at 8:19 am
You always start my day off with a really good laugh!!!! Thanks. Oh and by the way, you dont need to hide your figure, you look great….. for your age!! Just kidding. Love Ya xx
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
Hey – who DOESN’T put off exercising for that beach vacay until the very last moment when it’s entirely too late?? Somehow, luckily, it always ends up that there’s someone on the very same beach that makes you feel a ton better about yourself. Someone that’s surely larger than you, right?! My camouflage is in my own mind… I just imagine myself skinny and don’t take photos of myself. Ha!
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Cher says: Oh yeah, good point! You’re absolutely right. There are always some real sites to see. Okay thanks. I feel so much better now. Might even have something fattening for lunch.
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 am
I have just the solution for you (and I promise NO long waits!) I can fit you in next week!
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I usually drink more than I should and make sure everyone in my vicinity does the same, so by the end of the day, no one really cares/notices WHAT you look like, plus it’s pretty entertaining! SO jealous you get to vacay in the sun! Have an amazing time!
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Lemons….lots and lots of lemons, in a Long Island Iced Tea a few each day – that about drops 10 pounds a drink – and NO THONGS!
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Everyone always waits until the last min. Nobody ever actually does their work out plans in the time frame they say. I’m sure you look fab.
Xoxo
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
my suggestion is to just wear a mu mu all week. that’s what i do.
December 4th, 2009 at 7:47 am
I’m with SFTC on the mumu. And insist on no photos. Better yet, you be in charge of the camera at all times. That way nobody can sneak one in. Also, booze helps.
December 12th, 2009 at 10:57 am
The sarong, it hides a multitude of belly sins. But oh I am so jealous of your vacation!