I work in an office building. My company occupies the entire floor I work on. Actually, the entire building. In the centre of my floor are the elevators, kitchen, bathrooms and the hallway.
Today we will be discussing the bathrooms.
There’s a women’s, a men’s and a separate handicapped washroom.
No one that works on my floor at the moment is handicapped. So except for an occasional visitor, that washroom doesn’t get used – by handicapped people.
Instead, the male population of my floor have turned this washroom into the poo-room. As in . . . the washroom of choice for when they have to poo. And I use the term “male population” here because, as we all know, women don’t poo at work. Unless there’s some kind of rare extreme emergency or unpleasant stomach bug.
As I navigate my way around the floor throughout the day, I frequently walk through the centre hallway, thus passing by the washroom area.
I would like to direct the following open letter to the men of my floor;
Dear Male Coworkers,
When I see you coming out of the “Handicapped Washroom” I know exactly what you’ve just finished doing. I suppose you think you’re “sneaking” in there for a nice mid-day poo, but then you forget to also “sneak” out and instead just fling the door wide open and saunter into the hallway. Often right into my path. With your stink trailing behind you.
Yes, I may return your friendly smile and head nod, but make no mistake - I’m WELL aware that you’ve just finished wiping poo off your ass. And I am no longer able to view you in a professional capacity for the remainder of the day. That’s why I sometimes cancel our meetings. The vivid mental images make it too difficult for me to concentrate.
Please just use the regular men’s washroom. That way your poo breaks are less obvious.
Thanks,
The Only Girl
Seriously, do you know a male that is discrete about his poo or is it just something they’re not capable of doing?
27 Responses to “I’m Talking About Work And Poo In The Same Post”
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February 26th, 2010 at 5:51 am
Now Cher, you know my husband, he dosen’t have a discrete bone in his body, when he has to go, he proudly stands up and says “I need a jobby”(what we call poo in our house) He then saunters up-stairs, smile on his face,newspaper in hand.. Could he be more obviouse? After Several minutes, he will come back down, usually sweating{a lot) saying how “traumatic” that was!!! And then he will have to lie down for a couple of minutes… WTF. I just usually give him the dirtiest look ever and say “do you ever want to have sex again”????
February 26th, 2010 at 7:34 am
Ugggh I’m adding this to my list of reasons why being a lesbian would be so much easier. I’m not, but it would be easier.
And why does it take them 20 minutes to have a dump? Never in all my life has it taken me 20 minutes to do #2. What is that?
Cher
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February 26th, 2010 at 9:44 am
Yes! If you get the urge, you go in and get it done. If not, don’t even bother sitting down.
Use that time for something more productive. Like helping with the housework. Or cleaning the guinea pig cage.
February 26th, 2010 at 9:38 am
I agree men seem to take an unusually long time in “there”. What ARE they doing? Who wants to sit/stay in there longer than needed? I say “Get in, get out”. Simple as that.
February 26th, 2010 at 10:35 am
My husband leaves the fan on in the bathroom and usually announces it to all that no one should go in the bathroom unless they want to die. That’s where the six year old gets it.
February 26th, 2010 at 10:48 am
Most of the guys I know are not trying to hide their poo prowess. In fact the like to brag about it.
I have been made too aware that if public poos happen, Lowe’s is the best since they are the cleanest and the guys can continue their conversations while taking care of business.
February 26th, 2010 at 11:15 am
I use to poop at work all the time… why not get paid to shit?
Cher
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February 26th, 2010 at 12:10 pm
hmmm . . . an interesting angle. I’m going to have to mull this one over for a bit.
P.S. Is that a new Gravatar pic? Love it!
February 26th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Okay, so i have to admit… i do the deed at work. I just do. I can’t help it. Honestly, I’ll go anywhere duty calls (pun not intended). But i do try to be discreet. I would never come out making a big production of the whole thing. Well, when i’m at work anyway. At home, i kind of have to get back at my husband, so there may be some production there…
February 26th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
ok. i have pooped at work- but i work in a home office atmosphere. and only when i have to. i don’t do it just for fun.
but ew. i don’t like the idea of smelling boy coworkers poo. actually, it is making me gag.
February 26th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
my hubs is discrete with his poo. it’s almost freaky. i’m less discrete than him. which makes me feel weird. anyway, yeah, i can totally see work and poo being in the same title name. because really, work is poo. i used to poo at work, too. once i had my coffee i had to go. we had a whole system worked out. it was rad.
Cher
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February 26th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
And sometimes poo can be work.
February 26th, 2010 at 3:59 pm
oh gross. When you said they saunter out I could totally picture it. Guys are so super grody sometimes.
February 26th, 2010 at 4:51 pm
I believe the male need to poo at work is indirectly associated with the male need to read while pooing. It’s a source of constant amazement to me that while women can do their business and then immediately go on with life, men need to coax out their business with a good book. God forbid the publishing industry goes under. Half the world will be terminally constipated.
Cher
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February 26th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
loved this! And you’re so right. Why the need to coax the business with a book? You either have to go or you don’t. Get on with it!
February 26th, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I am very discrete about my poo.
I will only poo at my home base. Not even my parents place any more.
Except for that time I had indian food in Adelaide last year. That was an emergency and was as soon as I got back to the hotel.
By rambling about poo here does that undo my “I’m discrete about poo” statement?
Well, you did ask. Kind of.
Cher
Replied:
February 26th, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Yes, I think that falls under the “too much information” category.
February 26th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Pooping and farting, definitely something that men are extremely proud of!!! I don’t get it.
Some men play golf on their PSP’s for hours on end when they are on the toilet….just don’t get it…..
February 27th, 2010 at 1:28 pm
Ah…the eternal “poo at work” question. I have actually been known to go home, claiming “food poisoning” if my body gets even the least bit out of sync and the urge hits me mid-morning. Now I work from home, so that’s no longer an issue. But when I was in the corporate world, it was a constant concern for me. But the guys? They work out some sort of code of behavior that they think it beknownst only to them. I hate to say, it men, but we aren’t fresh off the turnip truck. We know what you’re doing. I have no idea how Neal handles this while he’s at work, but I know that at home he’s Ft.-Knox-Secret about it. He shuts every bathroom door we have and generally tries to time it with his shower. I appreciate that. I’m sure the handicapped would appreciate the men not stinking up the only bathroom that’s equipped for them to use. As if life confined to a wheelchair is not bad enough…now you got all the coworkers with penises and active GI function smelling up your restroom.
February 27th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Ooooooo. You should leave a secret note on the wall in there…
February 28th, 2010 at 9:10 am
My boyfriend likes to make an announcement when he goes to the bathroom. Once he even called me from work to inform me of his activities. I mean, really, I love you, but I don’t need to know every single time you have to poo. I am lucky in that I work with almost all women and the one man we have is on a different floor and uses a different bathroom.
February 28th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Hi just pooping (oops popping) by from SITS. Loved your post.
We have a washroom like that at the end of the hall where I work. We call it the luxury box. I cannot poop anywhere in public. In an emergency if I make an attempt to go, the minute someone walks in everything stops. I have broken out in a sweat waiting form people to leave so I can finish. The thought that they might hear me and know what I am doing would kill me with embarrassment.
My hubby incorporates alot of the above. Fan on, newspaper, glasses, puzzle book, flyers, then the announcement at the end, better not go in there.
You crack me up, I am following. Pop by for a visit, love to hear from you.
February 28th, 2010 at 11:35 pm
Yes! And there’s probably a pile of newspapers on the floor, too! SOO true about women not wanting to go in a public place unless it’s an emergency! I hated going in college if anyone else walked in! GAH!
Oh – visiting from SITS, btw!
March 1st, 2010 at 11:14 am
Stopping by from SITS! Oh girl! The women that work in the other offices on my floor poo all of the time! The worst is when they poo and then turn the lights off. That also turns off the fan! Also, I am on the second floor and the girls from the first floor like to come upstairs and use our bathroom as the poo room! Come On! And yes, I occasionally do poo but I make sure to spray!
March 1st, 2010 at 11:28 am
LOL, I don’t think our handicapped washroom gets the same kind of use
I think a lot of the Directors use it so they feel like it’s an “Executive Washroom” 
p
My hubby is also very open about his need to poo and will let me know that he might be gone for a while
Visiting from SITS
March 3rd, 2010 at 1:04 am
Tears are rolling…oh my that was funny,…and the comments Hilarious…thanks for making my day ladies…love the post and the blog! I have your button on my blog, love it!
March 7th, 2010 at 7:20 pm
I hated that feeling of one coming down the chute when I was at work. It was really on my mind if I didn’t manage to have my morning movement before I left home. I used to work with a guy who would saunter into the men’s washroom with his newspaper folded under his arm and…get this…whistling. I think he was whistling “hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to poo I go…” This is all so very unusual to be typing about poop.