This morning I went into my boy’s rooms, as I do every morning. Although they both have a clock radio to wake them up, they still need a little prodding when the “get up already” time approaches. And if I’m being honest, they are particularly sweet when they are still sleepy and cuddled up in their beds. Crabby? Perhaps. Smelly? Sometimes. But always sweet.
So I head into The Youngest’s room first where he’s sprawled out horizontally across the bottom bunk of his fab new bed. I whisper a few sweet nothings into his ear . . . “c’mon baby – time to get up. Did you have a good sleep? It’s a nice sunny day out there – you can wear shorts today (words that usually excite him).” Then I rub my hand across his warm soft back. And I stroke his chubby little cheek with my finger (say what you like – he’ll always be my baby, even if he is about to turn 7).
Then I glance over at his night table. And I see this . . .
(it’s a piece of tissue, that’s been separated into 1 ply, with strange markings on it)
What the?!?!
“ummm – Baby, what’s this???” I calmly ask as my mind races to imagine all kinds of scenarios that inevitably all contain the word poo or butt.
“it’s a burned tissue”
“hmmm – how did it get burned?” I ask. Somewhat relieved that it has nothing to do with poo or butts, but afraid to hear the answer nonetheless.
“I held it on to my lamp’s light bulb last night”
OMG! I immediately launch into a lecture about how trying to burn things, particularly when you’re alone and inside the house, is never a good idea. About how it could have caught on fire. About how he could have burned his fingers, or his body, or his new bunk bed (I like to hit them where it really hurts). About how he should NEVER do that again because it’s very dangerous.
All the while he’s looking at me with those big wide eyes. I’m still not sure he bought any of it.
Do yourself a favour – don’t have boys.
Ever had a kid set your house on fire? Should I equip all rooms with fire extinguishers immediately? Should I remove all flammable items from his room when I get home from work?
29 Responses to “Boys Are Not To Be Trusted – Ever”
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May 4th, 2010 at 10:01 am
When we were little we played a game which involved hiding in the big wardrobes, I think it may have been inspired by The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe or maybe not. We had a little plastic tape player in there once and a clip on lamp and the lamp melted tight through the tape player quite spectuacularly. That was me and my sister there weren’t even any boys involved. Scary to think of it now though!
May 4th, 2010 at 11:00 am
My boys have yet to try to burn anything. However, they did get a hold of the fire extinguisher and take the pin out and attempt to spray it in the house because they “wanted to make sure it worked” Yeah, it’s too late for me to undo having my boys.
May 4th, 2010 at 11:27 am
oh no. and I have a boy – right now he’s little but I won’t let him grow up. period. I don’t want a boy teenager!
May 4th, 2010 at 11:31 am
OMG! It’s time to have the fire talk. My dad had it with my brothers, so luckily all fires at their house have been confined to the pit outside in the yard. My 11 year old brother knew just where to find the matches the other day though. I wanted to hide them from him.
Cher
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May 4th, 2010 at 11:41 am
“The fire talk???” What the heck is that?!?
I had no idea there was a special talk about fire! The sex talk I knew about, but no one mentioned the fire talk!
Maybe your Dad can come over and speak to my boys too.
May 4th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Great, we have to have a fire talk. Lucky us. I have 2 little boys….what am I in for??? We’ve already broken a bone so far….ugh!
Cher
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:56 am
I have a bad feeling that this is just the start . . .
May 4th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Um, okay, well, my Dad was the fire chief so I, of course, was a little fireBUG. Not that I ever burned anything down, but I was always curious. My Dad did have several extinguishers around the house… which is a very good idea. And we had a plan to get out of the house if there ever were a fire. You know, just in case and stuff. You know, i even remember the fire department coming to our elementary school assembly to talk to us about Smokey the Bear and fire safety. Do ya’ll not have that?
Cher
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:55 am
We d! Perhaps he was daydreaming during that lecture. I will be reinforcing it tonight. Rest assured.
May 4th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
bahahah… i remember my mom’s best friend left she and i home alone with her “older” brother for 30 minutes while she went to the grocery store. we were 8, he was 10. my bff and her brother got a can of hairspray and some matches and played flamethrower around the house. it ended with the curtains catching fire. i – being the responsible one – put it out with a bucket of water. i shouldn’t laugh because the whole house could have gone up in flames, but fortunately the worst of the damage was ruined curtains!
Cher
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:54 am
This story is not helpful Meredith!
May 4th, 2010 at 12:48 pm
Mmmmm – my guys used to like to burn stuff too. Though I don’t think the were that young. If memory serves me correctly (and it often doesn’t) they became fascinated with fire right around the same time they became fascinated with taking 1/2 hour showers.
May 4th, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Oh wow, that’s scary. I haven’t even thought of having that kind of issue with my kids in the future yet! Geesh!
May 4th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
When I was probably 7 or 8, our school showed a PSA movie thing about fires and it scared the crap out of me ever since! I still remember it to this day! Maybe that’s what he needs.
Cher
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:52 am
Must.find.this.movie.
May 4th, 2010 at 3:19 pm
My best childhood friend would set tissues on fire and throw them in the bathroom trash can. They stopped putting matches and lighters within reach, fast. Oh, my best friend was a girl and still a mini-pyro!
May 4th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
Shit, Cher! Too late, I have 2!!!
May 4th, 2010 at 9:06 pm
As you know I don’t have kids that set things on fire, I do however have friend that you know whose 7 year old set some paper on fire and when mom came down the stairs blew out the flames and stuffed the smouldering pages UNDER THE COUCH CUSHION!!! Had she not gone downstairs to check the laundry before they went out for the afternoon, she might not have had a house to come back to!!!
May 4th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Better the fire talk than The Other Talk, I always say.
(Take away all lights. Nothing like darkness to bring home the point.)
(Also: He is still a baby at almost-seven. I know this b/c mine will also still be a baby then.)
May 5th, 2010 at 5:12 am
I love burning and melting things. It’s fun. Maybe it’s a boy thing.
A guy I used to work with said he electrocuted himself when he was 6 or 7 to the point he was zapped clear across the room from playing with a lamp.
He’s in his 60’s now, I don’t think lamps were as safe back then.
Cher
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May 5th, 2010 at 9:51 am
Not comforting.
May 5th, 2010 at 5:39 am
I have 2 boys, a 21 year old and a 15 year old, neither one of them has ever, ever done any-thing like that, ever!!! I think you just might have a delinquent on your hands!!! Poor you!!! See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya!!!
May 5th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Good thing Emily is a girl, but then again she does have some of the same jeans as your 2.
May 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
i can’t believe there is a “fire talk”. i had no idea. salt knows lotsa stuff…
i lit a match on the school bus once and my bus driver freaked out on me.i never played with fire again. maybe i can send her to your house?
May 5th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
When I was younger, my girl friend and I used to use her hairspray as a flame thrower in her basement. We’d also start tissues on fire. I don’t think it’s “boys” that are the problem…some people just like fire!
May 6th, 2010 at 3:34 pm
oh Lord. see, I am scared of bugs and fire. I have done my damndest to instill these fears in my own son. So far it has worked. So far.
May 6th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
We once caught my brother (when he was 6 years old) under the caravan we were staying in, lighting matches, next to two large gas cannisters.
May 10th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
Hate to break it to you, but girls like fire too. When around a particular set of girls we would always pretend to go camping in the woods. What’s camping without a campfire? Oh yea…we went there.
May 11th, 2010 at 1:50 am
Oh no! Is this what I have to look forward to?????