Yesterday I was talking about The Oscars.  Today, I’m doing an interview.  Am I slowly morphing into Barbara Walters?  Yes, I think so.

I left you with a hint yesterday about who I would be interviewing today – “this person is opposite to just about everything that I am.”  No one took any guesses.  You either just don’t care or I give really hard hints.

Since I’m a married mother who lives in the Northern hemisphere with a blog name that ends in “Girl”, I am in fact the exact opposite of my guest today.

He’s a single childless guy from Down Under.  Please put your hands together and give a warm bloggy welcome to none other than . . . ScoMan!

As you can see, he’s an enigma – a mystery wrapped in a riddle.  For those of you who don’t know him, you’re about to.  He been one of my most avid commentators for awhile now and I always look forward to reading the little gems he leaves me.

I asked Scoman last week if he would be interested in being interviewed.  His response?

Whenever someone asks me to do something, I ask myself one question . . . Am I able to do this in my pajamas?”  In this case, yes, I am.  So I would love to be interviewed some time.

Ha!  Doesn’t that make you dig him already?  So I emailed him my list of questions (my editorial comments are in blue).

But first, imagine if you will, the setting . . . pair of comfy cream coloured leather chairs, a lovely flower arrangement that includes orange Gerber daisies (because I love them) positioned “casually” in the background and soft but illuminating lighting.  The set is reminiscent of a very up-scale hotel penthouse suite that’s been converted to a TV studio for our purposes today.  Me in my power suit and ScoMan in his pajamas.

TOG:  We know you’re Australian, but that’s really where it ends.  I feel you’re purposely being vague.  What else should we know about you?

ScoMan:  I’m kind of a celebrity over here.  It’s hard for me to walk down the street without a bunch of screaming kids following me around.  It’s because of my Friday night television show where I host kangaroo racing.

No, that’s not true.  (too bad.  I would have watched that) You’ll learn more about me through the rest of these questions I’m sure.

TOG: When did you start blogging and why?

ScoMan:  My first blog post was written on the 21st of May 2005 (the blog is still hidden on the Internet, I just headed there and checked it).  (I have mad internet skillz and WILL find it) That was on MSN Spaces and that blog ran for maybe 18 months.

I forget why I started. I think it was because I had moved away from my family and friends and didn’t have anyone to share the strange things that happen to me with any more, so I started sharing them with the world.

Then I went to myspace and that one lasted not so long.

I got onto blogger because D* (apparently the name of a bloggy friend that’s even more vague) started blogging and after reading her posts I realized how much I missed writing, so I got on board too.

TOG:  What’s the most unexpected thing that’s happened to you as a result of your blog?

ScoMan:  One of them was my mum printed off one of my first blogs and started showing her friends. I felt like a child again and my mum was hanging my work on the fridge.  I told her I had written more stuff, but she just loved that one piece.  I didn’t even know she was reading it.

But that was way back in the days of “msnspaces” and with my grandfather and my brothers on my MSN messenger list (props to your grandfather – cool guy), I guess word of my awesomeness was bound to get back to her.

Also, back on the MSN Spaces blog, I started reading the blog of someone who lived in Sydney and we became pretty good friends out of it.  About 3 months after we started chatting on MSN Messenger, her whole family (except her) moved about half an hour down the road.  I’ve never met any of them, but it’s just one of those “small world” moments.

TOG:  You leave great comments.  What’s the secret to your snark?

ScoMan:  I can’t take all the credit for that. Or maybe I can’t take any of it.

I think credit for that has to go to the writers of the blogs. They give me the opening to create the comment from what they’ve written.

Good commenting is easy if the blogging is good. (got that everyone?  If you get crappy comments it’s cause you give crappy blog)

TOG:  Surely your real name isn’t “ScoMan”.  Is that just a nickname?  Do people call you that in real life, or is it purely a blogging moniker?

ScoMan:  I’m the only one who calls me ScoMan in real life.  Nobody else has caught on yet unfortunately. (that is unfortunately.  It’s a great handle)

It’s like that song “Dr Worm”… (?huh?)

“Some day somebody else besides me will call me by my stage name”

That’s what I’m hoping anyway. (just so you know – you’re warmly referred to as ScoMan in The Only Girl’s house.  Even by my kids.  They think it’s cool.)

TOG:  We know from your blog that you’re a big fan of Xbox and watching TV.  Besides blogging, what else do you like to do in your spare time?

ScoMan:  I’m very introverted (shocking, I know) so basically anything I can do by myself.  Reading, walking around town with the iPod blaring… I even go to movies by myself, but if I see anyone else doing the same thing I look at them and think “You’re pathetic”.

I’m also a numbers person so things with numbers I enjoy.  (I’ve got some income tax that needs calculating if you’ve got time) I spend a bit of time watching the share market and seeing how the numbers react to certain things.

As for group type activities, I go to comedy gigs with friends, and football with family. (but never comedy gigs with family or football with friends?  you might be short changing yourself there)

TOG:  We’re very curious about what you look like.  Will The Scoman’s face ever be revealed? (we’re also very curious to hear your accent and request either a Vlog or a sound byte please.)

ScoMan:  I did show my face once… a long long time ago… because in that post I felt it was necessary to be a part of the post. (are you gonna make me search for it or can you just save me some time and throw me the link?)

I guess if I think it will improve the post then I will show my face again, but I guess for me blogging is about the written word and telling the tale more than the pictures side of it, mostly  because I enjoy writing but do not enjoy having my picture taken.

I also tried a Vlog recently but my software / webcam did not think that was a good idea, so I gave up. (keep trying – I’m in need of some Skype contacts)

TOG:  We love your “Facebook Fail” feature!  Where do you get your material from?

ScoMan:  They’re all over the Internet. There’s websites dedicated to them, they circulate in emails, people post them on their blogs… It’s just a matter of doing a bit of browsing and picking out some of the better ones. (and here’s me thinking that you had TONS of strange Facebook friends)

TOG:  “The Drunken Accountant” sea shanty was a huge success, as was it’s follow up “The Drunken Blogger”.  Who’s getting drunk next?

ScoMan:  I’m not sure. We’ll see if and when inspiration strikes. But I’ve got a few other ideas for posts I’m working on, so that might sit on hold for a little bit.

TOG:  Any trips to North America in the works?  We’d love to hold a ScoMan Convention but it would be far too pricey for all us N.A. girls to go down under.  Perhaps you can come to us.

ScoMan:  Nothing in the short term but as I said I love a stand up comedy gig, I go to Melbourne’s International Comedy Festival every year and I would like to do the big three one year (Melbourne, Edinburgh and of course, Montreal). (ok Bloggers, Montreal’s only about 5 hours from me.  Start saving up and we’ll meet him there.  You can all stay at my place to help with the costs – oh the fun!)

While I’m in those other countries I should take the opportunity to take in more than the comedy shows I guess.

TOG:  Would you ever consider wearing a pink feather boa?

ScoMan:  What makes you so sure I haven’t already? (LOVE this answer!  Everybody looks better in a boa!)

Well folks, there you have it.

My thanks to ScoMan for playing along and being such a great guest and a good sport!  Now head on over to his place.  He put up a mad hand drawn cartoon yesterday that makes me  a) sorry I forgot to ask him how old he is and  b) concerned about the state of his penmanship.

Got a comment about The ScoMan or my wicked interviewing skills?  Or who would you like me to interview next?  I’m currently accepting suggestions, nominations and applications for consideration. (would you look at that – 4 “tions” in one sentence!  Does that qualify me as a Wordsmith?)

Now that I’ve been blogging for 6 months, I can let you in on a little secret – turns out there’s a big advantage to it that I hadn’t realized when I got started.  You get to “meet” some really great people.

One of those really great people just so happens to be my new cyber-friend Monique, from A Day in the Life of a SurferWife.  I look forward to her posts, and her comments on mine, because she always makes me laugh.  We have many things in common but at the same time, she’s also my opposite.  The anti-me.  And today you get to meet her because we’re blog-swapping!  She’s going to be posting here, and I’m going to hang out at her place.  Which, by the way, happens to be in San Diego.  I may not come back.

A little SurferWife/Only Girl comparison:

1. She lives in sunny San Diego.  That’s in California – where I should be.  Instead, I’m stuck here in cold, boring Ontario.
2. She’s currently training for a triathalon.  I am not.
3. Her husband is a surfer.  Mine plays soccer, hockey and golf.
4. We both have 2 children, but one of her’s is female.  Neither of mine are.
5. She has granite counters in her kitchen and a fab inground pool.  I have laminate and an above-ground (so not fair)
6. She has met MANY celebrities.  I’m obsessed with celebrities, but never actually meet any (see point # 1)

Monique does a great feature every Friday called “Happy Hour and a Celebrity Encounter” in which she re-tells the tales of her many celebrity encounters, then rates them on her super fancy Margarita Barometer (my fav so far being the story of John Cleese).

She recently had some good fun with a poor telephone interviewer regarding her new life insurance policy and she just broke up with her car.  I know – she’s FULL of the crazy!  That’s why I love her.

Although she’s currently in some very intense training for a triathlon (which you can follow along with on her second blog SurferWife’s Guide to Triathlon), she recently sustained a nasty forearm injury – as the result of a Wii game.  See?  That’s why I’m so against exercise – it can HURT you!

So please put your hands together and welcome Surferwife to the stage!

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My name is SurferWife and I hate racoons

I need to hurry up and type this story out because i can’t handle this monster threatening to eat my face off. A little background first.

When I was about 22 years old I was held prisoner in my own home by these A-Holes. I had come home from work and noticed my neighbor had left me a bag of cat food on my door step. She was a vet tech and did this often. Since my hands were full, I left it outside. I was planning on heading out about 7 or 8 to meet some friends for a few drinks and I would grab it then and bring it in.

At about 6:30, I heard some noise outside my front door in my patio. Thinking it was my one outdoor cat (I had an indoor scaredy cat and a super macho outdoor cat), Vixen, I open the door to let him in. Instead of my sweet Vix, I am greeted by three of the scariest faces I have ever seen.

Oh God. I am getting lightheaded revisiting this memory.

As I scream and slam the door, it clunks one in the head that was TRYING TO COME IN AND EAT ME. He was well over thirty pounds, and he TOLD ME that he was going to rip my face off and eat it. He did. End of story.

Anyhow, the three monstrosities had ripped the bag of cat food open and were enjoying an eating frenzy. Meanwhile, scaredy cat Beemer is cowering under the bed and come to find Vixen was already inside and he was pissed off. He would run head first into the glass sliding door, hoping to attack the trespassers. They in turn snarled at Vixen and I pretty much took to fetal position on my living room floor. My upstairs neighbor heard the commotion and called me. As I bawled my eyes out that my life was flashing before my eyes and I had to meet friends for drinks, he said he would distract them for me and I could sneak out.

Sure enough, he went outside and made some noise which thankfully made the mass murderers climb the tree to go eat HIS face off. I ran like the wind out the door and to my car. And proceeded to celebrate the rebirth of my life with a lot of Jaegar Bombs and Coors Light. Hey, I was 22, waiting tables and living in Santa Barbara. That’s what you do in your free time.

Fast forward to last Friday night about 5pm. I hear Bob pull into the driveway and my cell phone rings. I answer to a suspiciously whispering husband telling me to send Jason out. I ask what for and he repeats himself adding for me to stay inside. Uhhh. Yeah. Pretty much the only thing he wouldn’t want me to see is a raccoon. As I flip out saying, ‘Jason will be eaten alive if a raccoon spots him’, my near 8 year old charges out the door saying, ‘I want to see it!’

I grab Haley, head outside and see the overly plump masked freakazoid and nearly pass out. He was standing in our neighbor’s yard staring down my husband who was attempting to stare back. Jason is in awe at ‘how cool’ the raccoon is and Haley is frantically asking to head back indoors. Smart. She gets that from her mama.

Bob, offering to show his big manly skills, says how he is going to scare the furry devil away. He jumps quickly toward the beast who doesn’t move a muscle but continues to stare. Bob makes a ‘scary’ noise and I can almost hear the raccoon snicker in disgust.

I flee the scene knowing that at least I can save myself and my baby girl. The ‘men’ in the family can kiss their faces goodbye. They have to have to learn their own lesson. And I need to return to fetal position. Or a Jaegar Bomb. Not sure which works better.

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Now be a good bloggy and go check out her site.   Tell her I sent you.  She’s promised me gum, tictacs and some other uninteresting stuff.

Sorry, no post here today kids.

Why you ask???

Because I’m guest posting somewhere else today.

Where you wonder???

Only at “SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB“!

I know!  I know!  How lucky am I?!?!?

Kelly at SFTC is an awesome writer and a very funny girl.  I’ve been following her since I started blogging, so I’m thrilled to be hanging out over at her place all day.

Just for today, and only today, you probably want to be me, don’t you!  Don’t you?  Hello?  Anyone?

Okay, so just click on the link above to check out what I have to say over there.  And at the same time be sure to check out Kelly (FYI – her new Coach purse recently saved her life you know).

Here’s a clue to the topic of my guest post . . .

I know you won’t want to miss how I explain THAT!

And if you’re stopping by here from SFTC, welcome!  Leave me a comment to say “hi” or maybe “ewww – you’re gross” or perhaps even an “I’m with you Sista!”.  Something.  Anything.  Just to let me know you popped by.  I always visit everyone that leaves me a comment, and I love to discover great new blogs.  I’d love to discover you.

And now that I’m clearly a guest blog expert, please feel free to submit all inquiries and requests.  I am now official for hire.  And I’m cheap.  Really cheap.

A loyal reader emailed me this weekend asking:

“Hey Cher – Where’s today’s blog update??!!  I tune in nightly to read another update from the world of “The Only Girl” only to find nothing.  What am I to think?  Has some tragedy befallen the The Only Girl and her clan, or has she simply lost interest in updating the outside world already?  We hang on bated .com breath for another update from the world of The Only Girl.”

Well, as I responded to my loyal reader, The Only Girl will only be posting Monday to Friday.  And not on holidays – which it is today.  Because weekends are busy enough around The Only Girl Compound.  What with the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the never-ending tidying up, the grocery shopping, the play-dates, the sleep-overs, the social engagements, the gardening and the sports schedules.  And did I mention the never-ending tidying up?  So on the weekends, and today on this holiday, she’s taking the day off.

But I’ve arranged a special treat for you.  Today I have a guest poster.

So now, without further ado, all the way from The Only Girl’s living room, may I introduce my favourite eldest son and his first attempt at joke writing.  Take it away, Liam . . .

Liam says “If you have a First Aid Kit, and you lose it, and you have to buy a new one . . . would it be called a Second Aid Kit???”

buh-dum-dum!  (queue the laugh track)

He’s here all week ladies and gentlemen.  Try the veal!