Submitted for your consideration . . .

You have a real life BFF.  She’s the Admin Assistant for a very prominent Doctor.  A Doctor of Plastic Surgery.  At a leading Canadian hospital.  Who, from time to time, holds training sessions on various techniques for other Doctors who are looking to learning said techniques.

These training sessions often require a “Patient”.  Someone who will allow said technique to be administered to them for such training purposes.

These “Patients” could be considered Saints with very giving hearts that like to help others.  Or just really lucky people.

Anybitches . . . just such a training session came up this week.  It was for Botox injections (which, here in Canada, can only be administered by a Doctor, in a Doctor’s office.  No “Botox Parties” for us).  As I had previously instructed my BFF to place me at the top of the potential training patient list, I received this call;

Elle:  Hey – you want some free Botox?

Me:  WHAT!?

Elle:  Answer the question.

Me:  As in – you’re going to steal some from work and inject me at your house? Ah, no thanks.

Elle:  NO!  He’s doing another training session and needs a Patient.

Me:  Seriously?  Is it free?  Will I have to wear one of those horrible backless hospital gowns in front of a bunch of people?

Elle:  NO!  I mean “no” to the backless gown, but yes – it would be free.

Me:  hmmmm . . .

So my Bloggies, here’s where you come in.

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Submit your vote.  You have my destiny in your hands.

I’ll let you know what I decide in a few days . . . gulp.

Have you ever wanted to get Botox?  And if you’ve had it before, was it a good or bad experience?  Would you do it again?

My husband has announced that he’s leaving us.  Tonight.

Okay, he’s only leaving for the weekend, but I thought that initial announcement made for a much more interesting opening line, no?

He’s actually heading up north with some other guys to a friend’s cottage.  Try to guess what they’re going to do?

a) help fix a leaking roof

b) play a round of golf

c) drink more beer than I will likely drink in all of 2010 (and possibly 2011)

d) take the riding lawn mower for a spin

e) all of the above

I believe the answer is obvious.

And it’s all fine with me.  In fact we’re hoping to get up to said friend’s cottage for a few days this summer with the boys, so “helping to fix the leaking roof” might just be what seals the deal on our invitation.  And I get a quiet weekend at home with my boys out of the deal.

So last night he packed for his 3 night / 2.5 day excursion.  It took him exactly 5 minutes.  No, perhaps I’m being generous.  It might have been closer to 4 minutes.  4 MINUTES! To pack for an ENTIRE weekend!

Do you have any idea how long this would have taken me?  Probably as long as it would have taken you – because there’s lots to be considered, isn’t there?

First you have the weather.  We’re in Ontario, so there can be a very wide variety of weather thrown our way over the span of 2.5 days.  You need something for a hot sunny day at the beach, something for a cool rainy day spent lounging in the cottage and something warm for around the campfire at the end of the day that protects you from mosquitoes.  Something that’s suitable for hiking.  Something that’s suitable fishing.  Something that’s suitable for going into town . . . there’s just so many scenarios.  And of course things need to match.  And be comfortable.  And be cute.  But not look like you’re trying too hard.

And of course I wouldn’t wear half of what I took.  But I would have it with me just in case.  Because I like to be organized and prepared for any and all cottage situations that may possibly arise.

THEN there’s all the different types of appropriate footwear.  And hair & make-up.  And first-aid related items.  And stuff to do (like a good book, perhaps a movie or two, maybe a laptop with a wireless air-stick . . .)

THEN there would be the food - planning the menu and shopping for it.

It would take me HOURS to pack.  He, on the other hand, apparently only needs one change of clothes, a toothbrush, a ball hat and 4 minutes.

I shudder to think of the state of him when he walks back through the door on Sunday.  But I’ll be glad when he does.

In the meantime . . . girlie sleep-over party at my place Saturday night!  Who wants to come?! (yes, I’ll have buttertarts)

Could you pack in 4 minutes?  If you were coming to my sleepover Saturday night, what would you bring?

(not my leg – mine is far less defined)

The summer season has come to Ontario.  Early and with a vengeance.  Bringing with it weather that rivals that of Cancun, heat alerts and record breaking temperatures.

It’s fabulous!

And with it comes the summer wardrobe.  The shorts, the skirts, the capris and the bathing suits.

Of course this means I’ve had to quickly shift into “summer legs” mode.  Which involves regular shaving and moisturizing – two things that have been grossly neglected throughout the winter months.

Which is partly due to the lack of a requirement when the gams are buried beneath long johns, pants and socks and partly due to sheer laziness.  Did you know that after a certain point, stubble gets soft?  It’s true.

But the older I get the harder it gets to shave properly.  I’m finding it increasingly difficult to see what the heck I’m doing.  And no matter how much time I take, or how careful I am, the minute I step out into the sunlight – there they are.  Fuzzy knees.

Would it be so hard to invent a proper knee shaver?  Or perhaps one already exists that I don’t know about.  I’ve considered shaving out on the back deck where the sunlight will surely aid my cause, but I don’t think the neighbours need to be subjected to that.  I’ve also considered stashing a ravor in my purse for when I’m at work.  Apparently fluorescent lighting helps to shine the light of truth on the little hairs that seem to fade away in the dim light of my shower.

Am I the only one that has this problem?  Do I simply need to get my eyes checked?

Yes, I’ve been absent.  I’m sure you’ve missed me terribly.  Or not.

Where have I been?  What have I been doing?  Did I join the circus as previously threatened?  No.  I’ve been at home.  Doing all those things us busy working Mom’s do.  Such as;

- Winning an awesome Le Creuset giveaway from Rita at Fighting Off Frumpy’s Reviews & Giveaways blog!  Woo Hoo!  I NEVER win anything, and these are beautiful, so I consider this event particularly helpful in breaking The Funk

- Attending MANY of my boys soccer games.  Which frankly I don’t so much mind on a nice, sunny summer evening.  Call me a fair-weather fan if you will, but you won’t find me sitting on the sidelines in the rain.

- Sitting in a STINKING hot school gym for 1.5 hours to watch a musical adaptation of “Alice in Wonderland”.  The Youngest was one of the many “back up singers” but we couldn’t even see him let alone hear him.  Fail.

- Spending approximately 6 brutally hot hours staining our large back deck with Willie.  Back breaking, but it looks great.  That’s where you can find me for most of the summer.

- Sweating my ass off.  Don’t know if you’ve heard, but Ontario Canada has been experiencing some highly unusual HOT weather lately.  Not that I’m complaining.  I spend 9 months of the year putting up with crap weather just to get to June, July & August.  But MAN it’s been hot!  Thank God for air conditioning and pools.

- Obsessively water the lawn and gardens.  See above.

- Buying a new summer chick-lit book.  I’m not going to tell you which one till I’m finished in case you say “oh, I read that.  It was crap” because that will really piss me off, and I’m looking forward to diving into it.

- The Eldest kicked some major ass at his school’s area track meet and came home with a collection of ribbons!  How can a child born from me be such an uber-athlete in all sports?!  Fortunately he looks like his Father’s twin, or else I’d suspect a hospital switch.

- I managed to complete another month end at work.  This is basically 3 days of hell that comes in the form of reports and spreadsheets.  Fortunately I kick ass at reports and spreadsheets, so I haven’t had a month end beat me yet.  But it’s stressful nonetheless.

- I had a date with Willie.  Okay, maybe less of a date and more of attending a funeral together (the elderly Father of a friend – no one close).  But we were out together.  Without the kids.  So I say that counts as a date.

- Almost forgot to get The Youngest to a friend’s birthday party.  It just totally slipped my mind.  Good thing Toys R Us was on the way.  Gotta love gift cards.

- Enjoyed a dinner out with some girlfriends on a local restaurant patio!  Nothing helps drive away The Funk like estrogen, good food, frozen drinks and neighbourhood gossip.

- My Niece gave birth to her first child!  Her daughter Cali was unexpectedly born via emergency c-section at 30 weeks and only 3 pounds, but is doing really well in spite of her tiny size.  She’s expected to stay in the hospital for awhile and we’re all keep our fingers crossed for her continued progress.  A few of your fingers wouldn’t hurt either.

- And finally, I been trying to identify something I enjoy about each day in an attempt to drive out The Funk.  If you only concentrate on the negative, then that’s all that will reveal itself to you.  Concentrate more on the positive and you will find that there are many small moments worthy of your attention and your affection.

Hope you find something to love about today!

I’ve been in a funk for the past week.  For no apparent reason.  Just one of those things that happens from time to time I suppose.  Hormones?  Lunar cycles?  Pollen?  Who knows.  I certainly have nothing to be funky about – health is good, kids are fine, job is still paying, weather has been great, even the husband is in the good books!

And yet the funk.  Which, frankly, is getting kind of annoying.

I figure if I go about doing regular things then maybe I’ll start to feel regular again, instead of this increasing desire to run away and join the circus.  Clearly I’d look terrible in tights, a top hat or a clowns costume, so that’s just not an option.

So, rather than continue to wallow in my own melancholy, I decided that maybe I could try to happy myself up a little with a new summer haircut this weekend.

I’m really happy with it, so if you’re not – please keep it to yourself.

Now, if you’ll pardon my spotty posting and commenting, I’ll do my best to get back on track sooner rather than later.

And in the meantime, I’ll be in the backyard practicing riding a unicycle and training lions – just in case.

(via Google – yada yada yada)

I have always loved grammar. I know. Big Nerd. Whatever. But I have. And so does Willie. In fact he seems to think that he’s the King of Grammar around our house, but I strongly disagree. He should learn to use spell check more frequently before he makes such outrageous claims.

And since my mood as of late has been, how shall I say . . . unpleasant, I thought I would dust off my grammar skills for the sake of a blog post and give you all a little grammatical insight into the current state of The Only Girl.

Today’s lesson is about our friend, the ADJECTIVE. An adjective is;

• a word which acts to modify a noun (which you might remember is a person, place, thing, animal or abstract idea)
• a word used to describe nouns and/or give more information about a noun

Adjectives make your writing more interesting.  Here’s some examples;

The busy Mother felt stressed and overwhelmed.

(see how the word “busy” accurately describes the word “Mother”? Do you get that I am, in fact, said Mother?)

She had considered changing the name of her blog to “The Flabby Girl”.

(in this example, “flabby” perfectly describes the “girl” we may or may not be speaking about today)

Her pathetic wardrobe made her cry every morning.

(enough said)

She was desperate for a cute haircut.

(not just any “haircut”. A “cute” haircut. Which is hard to get, I can assure you)

Packing school snacks & lunches was the bane of her existence.

(sorry, that one is not an adjective example. It’s just something I felt you all needed to know)

Okay, I’m done.  Leave me some words that describe YOU today.  Or else I’ll do a lesson on nouns.  I mean it.  I will.  Don’t push me.

(I am  not really a Teacher.  This post was not meant to be educational but rather tongue in cheek.  If you feel I’ve inaccurately described adjectives and done a great disservice to the grammatical world, then may I suggest you forward a complaint to my PR Department at get.lost@youidiot.ca.  Thanks)

(no, those are NOT my shadows.  I don’t exercise.  Ever.  I found this on Google Images)

The other day, I stumbled upon this article.  It’s brief.  Don’t be afraid to click it.

Okay, fine, Miss Lazy.  I’ll save you the trouble!

Here’s the jist.  And I quote;

“repetitive mirthful laughter causes the body to react as though you’ve been engaging in moderate physical exercise.”

ah-ha!  I KNEW it!  All this blog surfing is finally going to pay off.  I read your funny stories, I laugh, I lose weight.  This, my friends, is a win-win situation.

Which must be why I continue to read your wonderfully funny blog posts everyday.

Even those days that I don’t write one myself.  Days that I’m just too darn busy to squeeze it in.  Days that I just don’t feel particularly funny or creative.  Days that I wonder why I even blog in the first place.  Days that I wonder how long I’ll continue to do it.  Days that I wonder if it’s just a waste of my time that could be better spent doing something else.  Days that I admit to myself that I’ll likely never get to met any of the awesome “friends” I’ve made in the cyber world – or get to Graceland for that matter.  Days that blogging feels a little more like work and a little less like enjoyment.

Just know that I read you everyday.  Sometimes I don’t even comment.  But I read.  And I laugh.

Because I need my daily exercise.  Badly.

Do you ever question your blogging?  Ever experienced a “dry spell” in your writing?  Do you hate exercise as much as I do?

In case you missed yesterday’s Office Tour craziness, we had FOUR new ones!  How cool is that?!  I did update yesterday’s post throughout the day, but in case you missed any, they are all listed in my previous post AND over on my sidebar.  I know of a few more good ones that are still to come, but if you haven’t joined in yet, we’d love to see yours.  ‘Cause we’re nosey.

Also, Jessalyn at Cape Code Awesome has done an Office Tour Follow Up today!  Apparently there were several unanswered questions from her original post that needed to be addressed, so she has kindly tied up some loose ends for us today.  As always, you don’t want to miss Jessalyn because she is indeed Awesome – with a capital “A”.

I’m also looking for a few more vlog questions.  No questions = no vlog.  It’s just that simple folks.  And frankly, after further consideration, I’m a tad scared of the whole thing anyway, so “no vlog” would suit me just fine.  I’m just saying.

(not really me – just a picture I found on Google)

(but I wish it was me because she’s cuddled up in bed and I’m . . . not)

What I will leave you with today is something a little more serious.  I am going to make myself a promise and I’m putting it out here on The Nets so that I can’t possibly pretend that I didn’t.

“I, Cher of The Only Girl, do hereby promise that I will wake up 15 minutes earlier in the mornings in an attempt to avoid the daily mad scramble that inevitably happens as I attempt to get the boys and myself out of the house on time every day.”

There!  I’ve said it.  Now I have to stick to it (don’t I?).

But here’s the problem . . . I’m not a morning person.  At all.  I really, really love sleep.  And I really, really love my bed.  Which is why I have 2 alarm clocks.  A clock radio beside my bed and a really annoying loud beepy one in the ensuite bathroom so that I actually have to get up OUT of the bed to turn it off.

But mainly I like to listen to the Hollywood Update that my radio station does every morning because I NEED to be in the know about all things celeb.  My life depends on it (right Surferwife?).  And I also like to listen to the top news stories and traffic report that immediately follows the Hollywood Update.  This is important and necessary information because I have a 45 minute drive into Toronto on a very busy highway and need to be in the loop on traffic issues because that will determine;

a)  do I get a coffee for the drive to work because I’ll be in the car for a really long time?

OR

b)  do I wait and buy a coffee from my little coffee place friend in my building’s lobby when I get to work?

Clearly these are important decisions that deserve educated answers.  Thus my lounging in bed to listen to the radio.

But no more!

I will get up 15 minutes earlier, BEFORE said Hollywood Update and news/traffic report.  I will have my shower, and then and only then, will I listen to these important things while continuing to get ready for work.

Won’t I?

Are you a morning person or do you scramble out the door every day too?  Got any good suggestions for me on how to wake up earlier?  Do you feel I might have had my fingers crossed when I made that promise?

Monday morning brings about another week at the office, which in turn brings us more Office Tours – and lots of them!

Be sure to stop over and see Beckles at Foresight Is So Often Blind.  She has some very unusual items under her desk and a creepy guy at her work.

Then head over to see Mimi at Living in France.  Her office kinda resembles her house, but don’t let that fool you.  There’s still plenty of work going on there.  And lots of fake fruit.

Next, go see my girl Meredith at (Flash Pasteurized).  She has one of the nicest offices we’ve seen so far and some major organizing skills.  Which I love and appreciate (OCD rules!)

Then go see Jade at Now that I’m no longer 25.  Her tour is of the Paris hotel room that doubled as her office last week when she got stuck there while on business, courtesy of the Iceland Volcano.  Could I be any more jealous???

(If you’re doing a tour, be sure to let me know so I can link to you, twitter it and add it to my sidebar.  You get to use the cool, new button and we get to be nosy.  I’d say that’s a win-win.)

Next, I’m pleased to announce that both the bunk bed refund cheque sitchy AND the new laptop purchase have been resolved!  woot woot!  May I introduce my sweet new blogoshere ride . . .

(photo via Future Shop)

No, it’s not a Mac.  I know – big sads for me.  It was purely a budgetary thing.

And finally, I’ve decided to bow to the pressure and hop on the vlog band wagon (Cath & Mom – a vlog is a blog post that you do via a video that I’ll put on my blog.  So that everyone can hear me talk and see how old boring I really am).

But first I have a few vlog stipulations;

1)  I’ll have to wait for a good hair day.  Obviously.  And there’s no knowing how long that could take.

2)  I need you to give me some questions, either in the comments or via email.  No questions = no vlog.  It’s just that simple.

3)  The only topic off-limits is hockey.  Because as much as my life is built around it, and I’m Canadian, I really know nothing about it.  And it’s very boring.  Very.

4)  My lawyer has advised that I can, in no way, promise that I won’t slip an unintentional “eh” in there.  That is 100% out of my control.

Perhaps you’ve often wondered “who is the REAL Only Girl?”  Is she the smiling, boa’d darling in her avatar?

Or is she really more like this . . .

And quite possibly related to them . . .

(Bob & Doug video here courtesy of You Tube)

. . . then you’ll leave me/send me some questions and get this vlog thing rolling.

(BTW, do non- Canadians know who Bob & Doug are, or is it just a Canadian thing?  I’d be interested to know)

I might be getting a new laptop.  In fact, I have been consumed the past few days with researching just such a purchase.  And by consumed, I mean CONSUMED.  As in hours spent on-line doing new laptop research.  Laptops invading my dreams.  Speaking to everyone I know who has ever used a laptop for their likes, dislikes, wish lists and must haves.

Because this is what The Only Girl does when she considers buy something new of significant value and importance.  I’m like a research machine.  Because I don’t think you can make a good buying decision unless you are completely educated about the item in question (need I remind you that this theory of mine also applies to ordering food at a restaurant).  Crazy?  Perhaps.  But I just can’t help myself.  It’s a sickness.

In the past 3 days of laptop research, I have spent countless hours;

• producing a list comparing all the models I’m interested in and their various features
• surfing The Net for laptop reviews
• combing the on-line stores for the best deals
• attempting to make sense of all the computer lingo these places use
• determine the difference between wireless cards, processors and operating systems

I have also sent my BFF Elle numerous emails inquiring about the new laptop she recently purchased.  I’m pretty sure she’s starting to get annoyed.

I have discussed with Willie the pros and cons of such a purchase.  A discussion he had zero interest in because he’s a “just go buy it” kind of guy and I was clearly annoying him with my in-depth analysis and psychological approach to the purchase.

I have attempted to rationalize the money that will be spent on said purchase, even though I actually do have the money.  Well, most of it.

Anyobsessive . . . still no decision.

What am I waiting for you ask?!

I have no idea.  I may have to conduct a little research into that as well.  See you in a few days.

Got any laptop likes, dislikes, wish lists or must have items for me?  Clearly the research is on-going.