I don’t get out much.

No really.

Between working full time, all my boy’s sports schedules, and maintaining the household stuff, there’s not much time left over.  Or energy for that matter.

So when I do go out – I take it very seriously.  And usually it’s for something to eat.  Sushi with Elle.  A nice steak dinner with Willie.  Or maybe a weekend lunch with my boys.

Which is why when I do go out to eat, it’s very important that I don’t ruin the rare event.  Of course I’m speaking here of none other than the dreaded “food ordering mistake”.

Oh – we’ve all done it.  You order something that you think will be really good, but then it comes to your table and it either looks gross or tastes worse.  And just like that – your whole eating experience is ruined.  And you’re disappointed.  And unfulfilled.  And maybe even still hungry.  And frankly, pissed that they’re making you paying for the crap.

Which is why I never place my food order without careful consideration.   Which drives Willie crazy because it always involves intense questioning of our Server.  But aren’t they the ones that know best?  Surely they must frequently eat where they work.  Or at least they know which menu items are the most popular and which are the dogs.

So I narrow down my choices to 2 or 3.  Then the interrogation begins.

• What’s YOUR favourite menu item?
• Which item is the most popular?

If one of their answers also happens to be one of my narrowed down choices – then it’s a no brainer – that’s the one I’m going with.  But if not, then I’ll continue on to my next line of questioning.

• Here’s the 3 I can’t decide between.  Which would you recommend?

Yes I know this probably drives the Servers crazy.  But I want assurance that I’m getting the best possible meal experience.  And I’m telling you – they always give me good advice.  Because they know the inside scoop.

And I’m rarely disappointed.

Do you do this or am I freakishly alone?  If you’ve ever been a Server, does this make you mental or do you like being asked for your opinion?

(P.S.  I just added another International Workspace Tour over on the right side!  Be sure to check out Cathy at Antsy Pants to see what a messy Interior Designer’s office looks like.  And don’t forget to send me yours.)

So I’ve been stalking this lady at work.  Rather UN-intentionally.

Perhaps I need to explain.

If you’ve read this you’d know a bit about where I work.  But basically, it’s an office complex that consists of 3 buildings with 18 floors in each building, that are joined by an indoor walkway.  There are a LOT of people that work in this complex.  Like many thousands.

And for the past month or so, EVERYWHERE I go, there she is!  The same woman.  Which might make you think that perhaps it is SHE that’s stalking ME.  But no.  I always notice her up ahead of me, which would put me behind her.  And I believe that is the Stalker’s position.

This disturbing trend is actually freaking me out a little.  Which has prompted me to ask myself several questions;

Why does this woman go everywhere that I do?

Why does she always get there first?

Am I meant to meet this woman for some reason?

Should I casually say “hello” and befriend her or not?

Why does she shop so much?

Can you be called a Stalker if you’re not doing it on purpose?

Do you think she blogs about “that odd girl at work that’s following me”?

Should I cut my hair short for the Spring/Summer season?  (I know it’s irrelevant to the subject at hand, but it’s a question I’ve been asking myself, damn it, so I put it on the list!)

Answers to any of the above will be gladly accepted and considered (and don’t forget to show me your office for the International Workspace Tour!)

As you know from yesterday’s post, I’m currently in office work overload.  And to reward you all for my recent a) crappy and sporadic post writing  and b) crappy blog visiting/commenting, I will share with you one of the most intimate things in my life.  My home away from home.  My sanctuary.  My “me time” spot.  No – not the bathroom . . . my office cubby.  The place where I spend 37.5 hours (give or take) a week.  Where I drop the cloak of “Mommy” and play the part of an office worker instead.  It’s generally a much less demanding role and they pay you to do it.

Amanda at It’s Blogworthy did an office tour the other week and I loved it.  So, with her permission, I’m totally copying borrowing her idea.

I work for a national telecommunications company in the department that does property management for all their cell site locations in several Provinces.  My job focuses on Lease Administration, so I ‘m on the computer all day.  I’ve been working for this company for a very long time.  Over 15 years.  It has changed hands a few times and grown dramatically since I started working there.  I’ve also had several very different positions along the way, which is probably why I haven’t gotten bored and left yet.  It is also where I met Willie – who also stills works here, although in a different building in a different part of town.

I drive about 40 minutes from the suburbs into the city to a complex that consist of 3 office towers with 18 stories each.  The buildings are all joined by an indoor walkway.  In the lobby/atrium there’s a coffee place, deli restaurant, Italian restaurant (my fav!) a convenience store, bank machine and a dry cleaners.  There’s also a shuttle bus that picks us lazy people up in the lobby and takes us on a 3-4 minute ride to the major shopping mall across the street.  Bad for the shopping habit, but great for getting errands done on your lunch hour.

Please – come in.  No, no, just leave your shoes on.  Mine’s the first one on the right.

First you’ll see my very cute and oh-so stylist coat, right beside 2 recent pics of my new niece.

Now if you’ll kindly turn around you’ll get the full view of what appears to be a messy desk, but in fact is actually very organized chaos.  I’ve taken the liberty of editing out some of the content of the papers on my wall because a) I don’t want corporate secrets to fall into the wrong hands b) I don’t want to loose my job c) my coworkers really don’t need a bunch of bloggers pulling crank calls on them and d) it’s all super boring stuff that you need not waste value blogging time trying to decipher.

But what you will notice is artwork from my boys, a few photos of same boys, a sweater that permanently resides on the back of my chair for those “chilly” mornings and some neatly lined up “sign here” sticky flags hanging from my shelf.  I’m not really collecting them, I just can’t bring myself to throw a perfectly good sticky flag in the garbage.  Hoarder in the making or environmentally conscious?  You decide.

Zooming in a little closer you will see the really important things . . . bottled water (which is refilled from the water cooler several times a day – all in the name of hydration), multi-vitamins (that a 10am automated appointment reminder tells me to take everyday, but that I often ignore), some hand sanitizer (needs no explanation) and some hand cream (which I rarely use and should probably be relegated to a drawer instead of being given prime desk space).

Let’s head into my top drawer, shall we?  Here we find a typical selection of pens, highlighters, bulldog clips and other general office supplies.  We also find two lip balms (LOVE the Aveeno one BTW) and for some reason . . . a collection of pennies.  Why?  Don’t know.

What you can’t see in the above picture is the very back of my drawer.  Where I hoard post it notes.  I don’t like to use them, I just like to collect them.  Particularly pretty coloured ones.  And right there – in front?  Most favourite pen EVER.  Which goes under lock and key every night just in case the Cleaners decided to get up to no good.

Which brings us to my favourite drawer . . . my SNACK drawer! (again with the hoarding – I’m sensing a theme)  I like to keep quick and reasonably healthy things at the ready.  It helps me fight off those demons that occasionally scream “go down to the lobby and buy a butter tart”.  No thanks Mr. Demon – I’ll just have that healthy and delicious Smartfood!

And there you have it folks!  My home away from home.

I’d love to see your workspace too.  In fact, I’ve started the “International Workspace Tour” in a box over at the right – so far there’s just Amanda and me.  If you do a tour, be sure to let me know so I can link up to you as well.  We’ll get to visit different places all over the globe without ever leaving our own desks and maybe find a potential new career along the way.

Would you/do you love or hate to work in a cubicle? Are you considering doing a workspace tour? Remember – workspaces aren’t just offices, they could be anywhere.  The more unusual your job is, the more interesting your workspace will be – especially if you’re Stripper.  Or an Astronaut.  Or you joined the Circus.

Things have exploded around here. Like a hail storm of crazy busy. I’m speaking of my full time job in particular. Which has always afforded me the luxury of being able to read all your fine blogs, and even write posts for mine “during my lunch hour”. But a recent tidal wave of actual work has flooded me out for the past 2 weeks, and will likely continue for at least 2 more.

I’ve considered speaking to my Boss about the unfairness of my own personal time being infringed upon during work hours, but Willie persuaded me against it.   So, as I struggle to keep up with the mountain of paper, files, month-end reports and license agreements that are taking over my life, I will leave you with a few brief items;

# 1 – I’m ecstatic to report that we have found a loving home for our stinky poopy asthma trigger guinea pig. I’ll be dropping him off today and entrusting him to the care of a 12 year old girl who is beside giddy to be adopting him. Good riddance bye little fella (note to self  – don’t get sucked into buying another pet for a very long time).

# 2 – I have finally managed to install the “Google Friend Connect” widget on my non-Blogspot site (it’s over on the right hand side about half way down).  This was no easy task and some sleep may or may not have been lost.  Super smart girlfriend and Angelina Jolie look-alike, Salt, helped me out and I’m forever grateful.  She’s presently my only friend.  See what you can do about that, will ya?  The first hundred people to join get absolutely nothing!  Cheers.

# 3 – In the theme of “embrace your demons” (and my current demons being intensely increased office work), I have planned a special tour for you tomorrow.  If you “join this site” on my fancy-pantsy new Friend Connect thingy (see point # 2) I will happily give you a tour of my office desk.  And I’m talking about a CANADIAN office desk here folks.  Bet you’ve never seen one of those before.

Ok.  See you tomorrow?

I think I’m getting old.  I don’t feel old, but I’ve started doing a very “old person” thing, which signifies that I must indeed be getting old.

No, I don’t constantly complain about my aches and pains.  But if anyone is interested . . . I have a neck thing that I could go into.

No, I don’t measure the wrinkles and crows feet.  Although a growing addiction to facial moisturizers is, in fact, becoming a problem.

No, I don’t eat at 5pm and go to bed by 8:30.  Although, lately, staying awake past 10:00 is proving to be a challenge.

No, I don’t go to Bingo every Friday night, but if I could find a willing partner . . . I’d love to try it.

No, I haven’t started buying shoes based on comfort instead of style.  Okay – that’s not entirely true.  They do have to look good AND be comfortable.

No, I don’t count grey hairs.  I find that blonde highlights do a good job of camouflaging them.

What I have started doing – is reading the Obituaries in our local paper.  And frankly, with great interest.  In fact, it’s the section I turn to first when I open the paper.

Strange?  Perhaps.

Sure, it’s a little morbid to be so interested in dead people.  But it can also be a fascinating learning opportunity.  I like to see what people in my age bracket are dying from so I know what to look out for.  Sometimes the ailment is stated up front, sometimes you have to use the obit clues and guess a little.  It’s kinda like a mystery of sorts.  I’m particularly interested in people under 45.  Its a little closer to home and less expected.

What I don’t understand is an obit that says “Ethel passed away unexpectedly at the age of 93.”  Really?  Unexpectedly?  She was 93 – surely you anticipated this could be coming.  Why are you so surprised?

And I have, on occasion, stumbled upon an obit of a casual acquaintance, the clerk at my grocery store, a relative of someone I know, or, quite sadly, a parent from my kid’s school.  People that I wouldn’t necessary have heard about first hand, but am interested to know about nonetheless.

In fact, I’ve considered writing my own obit in advance.  So that a) it will be a really good one and  b) to save my loved ones from the stress of it all when the time comes.

It might go something like this:

Cher, loving, incredibly patient wife to Willie and dedicated, super tolerant mother to The Youngest and The Eldest.  Leaves behind many relatives and friends who may, or may not, miss her dearly.  Cher loved sleep and hated sports and exercise.  She enjoyed blogging, going to the spa, coffee and eating.  She may have twittered nonsense, but at least she twittered.  She could often be found in the kitchen or the grocery store when all she really wanted to do was curl up on the couch with a good book.  Cher’s life will be celebrated with a party on her back deck where Elvis tunes and songs from the 80’s will be played and all-you-can-eat sushi will be served in her honour.  She has specifically requested that she be laid to rest in her pajamas.  It will be a closed casket because there’s no way anyone else will be able to style her hair properly.  Cher – forever a neat freak – has requested that nothing be placed in the coffin with her for her final journey.  This is her final attempt to “keep the place tidy”.

Do you read the Obits or am I just weird?  Have you ever considered writing your own?

The other day my girl Jules over at Life On A Hanger made me my very own doodle.  How cool is this?!?!

Thanks Jules – I love it!

I struggle at drawing stickman (seriously), so I find swirly fancy doodles VERY impressive.

May I present . . . Exhibit A

This is a drawing I did of Jules. Yes, I realize it looks like Cousin Itt from The Addams Family.  But she has privacy issues and never shows her beautiful face, which is why I drew her facing backwards.  And of course she’s holding a hanger, because her blog is “Life On A Hanger”.  Get it?

I acknowledge that I’m artistically challenged.  It’s just one of my many shortcomings.

But now the question is – how do I best utilize my personalized doodle from Jules???  Of course I just knew that my very clever Bloggies would have some ingenious ideas.

So far, I’ve already considered;

• a tattoo
• pillow cover
• t-shirt
• vehicle wrap
• custom wallpaper

C’mon kids – what else could I do with my cool “The Only Girl” doodle???

A little known fact about The Only Girl is that I’m a big fan of “The Office”.  BIG.  I frequently cast myself as Pam in my daydreams, and secretly wish I could work for Dunder Mifflin.  I’m pretty sure I once dated a guy that could be related to Dwight Schrute, and I find Oscar delightful.  Angela scares me but Phyllis makes up for it.    I’m concerned about Meredith’s drinking and Stanley’s weight.  I’m curious about Andy and Kevin, while I find myself feeling bad for Toby and am puzzled about the woman that is Jan.

But mostly I love Michael.  What’s not to love?  He’s cute, quirky, as politically un-correct as they come and hasn’t got a clue about anything (although I’ll give him credit for nice suits).  His horribly awkward meetings are as difficult to watch as they are entertaining.

It’s a 30 minute roller coaster ride of emotions.  It’s prime time comedy at it’s best, people!

And I don’t think I’ve enjoyed a theme song as much as this one in years.  Willie is restricted from fast forwarding through the song because there’s always some fun couch dancing involved on my part.

So naturally, I insist on watching the show every week, or at the very least, taping it.

The past couple of weeks have been the taping kind, for one reason or another.  The PVR has been set.  The little “set for taping” icon appears in the on-screen channel guide, and so I go about my business of doing whatever it was that prevented me from watching my beloved Office in the first place.

But then . . . nothing.  NO. TAPING. TAKES. PLACE!  Twice this has happened!  I missed the birth of Pam’s baby for God sake!

WTH is going on?!?!?  Does my PVR not enjoy “The Office”?  Is my PVR haunted?  Is it perhaps allergic to my favourite show?  Has it been invaded by tiny little PVR aliens?  Is it trying to tell me something?  It has no trouble taping other stuff so it’s clearly not broken.  It just seems to have a hate-on for “The Office”.

Well get over it PVR!  You two need to kiss and make up – and fast.  Thursday at 9:00pm Eastern is quickly approaching and I need my fix.  I’ll give you one more chance this week, but if you fail to deliver . . . well, I think we all know what’s in store.  You will be disconnected and relocated to a box in the basement.  At which time the good old VCR will be resurrected and placed back on top again.

And that’s what she said!*

* a reference to an on-going “The Office” joke.  If you’re not a watcher, you won’t get it.  So you should watch.  So you can get it.  Because it’s funny.

Yes, my Annual Oscar Party took place on Sunday night.  Yes, I was the only one there.  No, I didn’t mind.  In fact I think I prefer it that way – I didn’t have to share the snacks.

Let’s see . . . where to start?

First off, I hit “Hair & Make Up” (aka my bathroom) about 5:30pm Eastern.  For those of you not in the know, this is a solid 3 hours before the Oscars started and before we have Sunday dinner in these parts.

Once I was dolled up, I donned my finest full length gown.  It was a vintage emerald green satin number that I wore 13 years ago on the night of my 1996 work Christmas party, which was when Willie and I started dating.  True – it doesn’t hang quite as nicely now as it did then, but surely I get some points for the fact that the damn thing still fits.

Then it was time to head downstairs to put the finishing touches on dinner, and amuse the boys.  Mission accomplished.  They love whenever “Ms. Crazy LaRue” comes for dinner.  I often wonder “does this amuse them or scar them?”  I suppose only time will tell.

Then a quick kitchen clean up, packing of the lunches, gathering of my completed Oscar Nomination Ballot Form and Oscar Bingo sheets.  The boys were tucked in for the night and Willie was relegated to the bedroom TV.  Let the snacks show begin!

First up was the sushi – nothing fancy, just a few Cali rolls.  After all, I did just hoss down a plate of ham & scalloped potatoes for dinner.

All washed down with gingerale.

I decided to forego the cheese tray this year and went with this instead.

That’s right folks – Lemon Meringue pie!  A brilliant substitution.

It was at this point (about an hour and a half into the show) that I opted for the comfort of my pajamas for the remainder of the evening.  For obvious elastic waistband reasons.

And yes, I did hang in there to the bitter end.  Which, may I say, was bitter?  In fact I thought the whole show was a big – “meh”.  Kinda boring.  No big moments – neither embarrassing nor heart warming.  Although I did like Sandra Bullock’s speech and was glad Jeff Bridges and Christoph Waltz won.

And for the first time in years I got a bunch of the winners right.  Of the 13 categories I made predictions in, I got 10 correct!  This is unheard of, I assure you.

I’m not going to review the whole show or the outfits for you.  There’s plenty of sites out there that do that for a living and frankly, I’m not getting paid and you likely don’t care.

But what I can say, is that my party was fantastic and was worth the sleepy Hollywood “Hangover” I had Monday morning.

Next year I’ll be keeping the guest list the same.  I think there’s something to be said for an exclusive party.  Although I just might buy myself a strip of red carpet.  I think it would really add something magical to my Family Room that night.

Did you watch The Oscars?  Have I inspired you enough to host your own “Oscar Party For One” next year?  Is the name “Ms. Crazy LaRue” fitting or should it just be “crazy”?

————————————————————————————————————————-

P.S.  I’ve managed to land an interview with a certain Blogger and hope to post it for your reading pleasure tomorrow.

Hint:  This person is opposite to just about everything that I am.  Curious now???

Since I’m a big time celeb/Hollywood aficionado, this Sunday evening I will be hosting my Annual Oscar Party.  You’re all invited.  Please be sure to RSVP in a timely fashion because I’d like to make sure I have enough eats & drinks on hand.

I’ve held this party for the past few years and in it’s prime, I had a total of 1 person attend.  That being me.

I do invite Elle and Willie every year, but so far they’ve failed to show up.  And why?  I don’t know.  I’ll run down the itinerary and you can let me know where I’m going wrong.

Of course there’s the formal attire.  I like to wear something full length and with heels.  After all, this is the Oscars people!  I also like to be dressed a few hours before the Red Carpet portion of the evening commences, which in my timezone, means just before dinner.  I think the boys enjoy seeing a glamed up Mom cooking and loading the dishwasher.  Or at the least they find it strangely amusing.  It’s just something they don’t see every day and I like to keep them on their toes.

Full make up and an up-do simply goes without saying.  I’m just saying.

There will certainly be snacks served.  I’m big on snacks.  This year I will be serving a tray of cheese, crackers and yumyum pickles.  There may also be some salmon & cream cheese or a perhaps even nachos and guacamole.  All washed down with gingerale.  I mean, I like a good flute of champagne as much as the next Nominee, but it is Sunday night after all.  I have to get up for work in the morning and these Oscars do tend to go late into the night.  We don’t need The Only Girl all relaxed and messy before the Best Supporting category even airs.

At some point after 9:30pm EST, I give myself permission to change into pjs.  They’re much more comfortable than the full length satin number I’m planning on previewing that night and seem slightly more apropos for lounging on the couch late into the night in front of the TV.

Tissues will be supplied because there is inevitably a tear-jerking speech or two that will warm my heart and cause me to leak.  Likely something about an actors wonderfully supportive mother, or an award winning directors wonderfully supportive wife.  Which leads me to pretend that I am that wonderfully supportive person and then I get all choked up picturing myself in the audience trying to graciously accept the kudos in front of the entire Academy.

I have already completed my Nomination Ballot  Form and will be sure to report my success rate compared to the actual winners.  Don’t hope for much – I usually get these things wrong.

Now, I implore you.  Who wouldn’t want to come to this party?

What time shall I expect you?

If you’re having your own party, no matter how big or how small, be sure to send me pictures of your outfit and your snacks so I can post them, along with my own, next week.

So remember when I stated on my “Meet Me” page that I typically post everyday, Monday to Friday?  Well, I didn’t take into account that from time to time a full time job or a nasty stomach bug would keep me from my keyboard.  But yesterday it did.  And trust me – it was a much wiser choice for me to be in the bathroom than at the computer.  But I’m back.  And about 2 pounds lighter.

No further details will be shared.

You’re welcome.

Which is why I’m joining Meredith over at (Flash) Pasteurized in her weekly feature “Take Me Back Tuesday”, except that it happens to be on Wednesday.  This is where we revisit a photo from back in the day.  Today, of course, we’ll be revisiting a particularly curious photo of yours truly.  And just so you know – I’ve managed to unearth some real beauties – we could be doing this every week for the rest of 2010.

This week we are going to visit a 16 year old Cher to see what she was up to.  No, I will not be disclosing what year this is.  Bloggers are notorious for their mad math skills, and I don’t need you all figuring how very old I am.  Suffice it to say, I was 16 at some point during the 80′s.  That might help explain a lot about this picture.

Let’s review this photo in detail, shall we?  We’re going to start at the bottom and work our way up.

• Let’s just get the elephant in the room out of the way – why was I wearing Richard Simmon’s satin striped shorts?!?!?!  I have NO idea.  Apparently they were in fashion at the time.  I had several different colours.  I don’t remember Richard being around in those days, so I can only assume that’s when he got his start and the shorts just stuck with him.
• Why am I posing in the garden in the first place?  I think it might have involved trying to get a good pic to send a long distance boyfriend at the time.  Why else would anyone pose in the garden?  And I’m not even sure this resulting picture can be categorized as good.
• The blinding white legs?  Yes, I’m fair, but I’m going to go ahead and blame this on bad lighting.
• The crop top?  I had a cute figure back then, and apparently, a nice set.  I can only assume I was comfortable accentuating it.  Not so much now.
• And now we get to the hair.  Ah, the hair.  The only light I can shed on this style is that it was the Princess Di days, and I was crazy mad about her.  The short feathered flip was my weak attempt at replicating her beauty.  Clearly that’s where it stopped.
• And finally, heavy on the eye make-up much???  I have no excuse.  It was the 80′s.

Laugh at yourself and the world internet laughs with you.  Go ahead, folks.  Laugh.  There’s plenty more where this came from.