We ordered Chinese food the other night.

At the end of my meal I decided to enjoy a fortune cookie.  For one, I find them to be very yummy.  For two, I believe that they are relatively low in calories (if you have any evidence to the contrary, please keep it to yourself).  And for three, I like the little fortunes.  Strange and quirky?  Sure.  But harmless fun in the comfort of your own home nonetheless.

This was my fortune:

“Ask not what your fortune cookie can do for you but what you can do for your fortune cookie.”

So here’s the question – What the HELL do you suppose THAT is supposed to mean!?!?

Naturally I couldn’t help but contemplate it all weekend . . .

Is it something so deep that my low intelligence is simply not able to grasp it?

Have I been looking at fortune cookies completely wrong all these years?

Is it merely an Asian factory worker trying to pull a fast one on me?

Are fortune cookies actually made in the US by JFK fans?

Please submit your thoughts immediately.  This mystery must be solved.

Last night Willie and I were getting into bed.  I had been wearing little ankle socks to keep my tootsies warm because, somehow, it became Fall yesterday (WTF weather?).  They looked like this:

Willie has some very similar socks.  They look like this:

At which point, we have a conversation that went something like this:

Willie:  Why are you wearing my socks?

Me:  I’m not.

Willie:  Yes you are.

Me:  No, these are mine.

Willie:  No, those are MY socks.

Me:  First of all, I’m a women’s size 7.  You’re a man’s size 11.  I think I would know if the socks I were wearing fit me or not.

Willie:  Those are mine.

Me:  Secondly, mine are very short.  Yours go up on your ankle about an inch or two.  See these ones?  Very short.  Mine.

Willie:  (doing his best to be annoying) Nope, they’re mine.

Me:  (growing more annoyed)  How would you know?!  Did you buy these socks?

Willie:  No.

Me:  No, that’s right!  I bought these socks.  In fact, have you EVER bought yourself socks?  Or underwear for that matter?

Willie:  No.

Me:  Right then.  Trust me when I say these are MY socks.

Then I got to thinking . . . it IS always me who buys the socks and underwear in this house!  And before me, it was his Mom (in fact, it’s often STILL his Mom because he likes a particular kind of underwear that can only be bought in Britain and she travels there once or twice a year and brings some back for him).

Me:  Have you EVER bought yourself socks or underwear?

Willie:  No.

Me:  You’re a grown man.  You’re in your late 30′s.  Don’t you think it’s about time you did??? 

Willie:  makes a feeble attempt to ignore me . . .

Me:  In fact, I’m going to take the boys shopping this weekend so THEY can buy their own.  Let’s break this cycle early, shall we?

Willie:  They don’t have any money.

Me:  Then I’ll give them some.  Then I’ll take them to the Mall and tell them to use it to buy themselves socks and underwear.  It’ll be for their own good.

Willie:  Ah . . . they’re not going to like that very much.

He’s probably right.

Does your husband/boyfriend buy his own socks & underwear or are we creating a society of Mamma’s Boys???  I’m launching a campaign to stop this madness – who’s in?

Last weeks WSCD (What Should Cher Do?) poll’s topic was about Cher at the G20 Summit.  The answer that received the most votes was “Try to get her face in a picture that’s picked up by the Associated Press”.  And although I had NO intentions of heading to downtown Toronto to complete such a task, I was fully planning on photo shopping my newly botoxed face into a picture for all of you.  It would be funny.  Perhaps my “body” would be wearing something outlandish and ridiculous – think Hippie chick with purple hair.  And we would laugh.  My intentions were good.

And then this weekend happened.  And all hell broke loose in Toronto.  And it was no longer funny.

The city had been preparing for the worst, but we all thought it was overkill.

We were wrong.

Unfortunately the peaceful and legitimate protests of many were marred by the violent and criminal behaviour of a few.

I spent most of the weekend glued to the TV where they showed live coverage around the clock.

Our city was transformed into something we have never seen in this country;

• Rioting
• Looting
• Vandalism
• Over 900 arrests in 48 hours
• Tear gas & gas masks
• Police in full riot gear MARCHING through the streets

Sights that some other far away countries probably experience every day, but one I hope not to see in my country anytime soon.

Elle reported that she walked past much of the damage on her way to work this morning, and that people in the downtown core are still shaking their heads in disbelief.

So, instead of laughing at a photo shopped picture of me this morning, I urge you to view the pictures in this link.  And be thankful we don’t live like this everyday.

She did!

Since 50% of you voted in last Wednesday’s poll that I should get the free Botox, I listened to my peeps and went ahead.  Although technically I suppose that also means that 50% of you voted that I shouldn’t.  But I tried not to let that deter me.

Now keep in mind that a) it was done by a highly trained Doctor and  b) it was free.  If not for those two points, I wouldn’t have done it.  Especially the free part.  I mean, yes, I’m old, but I’m not THAT old – yet.  I don’t actually NEED Botox – yet.  But there is a certain part of my face that bothers me.

This is me smiling.

This is me frowning.

This is the part that drives me crazy.

I can hear you all saying “then just don’t frown”.  But here’s the thing;

• I stare at a computer screen for 8 hours a day in deep concentrate.  When you do this, you subconsciously end up with the frowny face.

• Then I sit in traffic for about 2 hours a day, squinting into the sun – regardless of the sunglasses I wear.  Squinting = frowny face.

• Then I proceed to get home and frequently scowl at a husband and/or children.  Again, scowling = frowny face.

So since I spend most of my day with the frown lines, they are starting to become permanently etched.  And that makes me look crabby, when really I’m not.  And it bugs me.

Now, I can tell you that the Botox was a breeze!  The needle he used was super fine and I hardly felt it.  I’m not sure, but I think he only did 2 injections.  Three at the most.  There have been no side effects at all.

Here’s a close up of the frown creases right before I went.

What I didn’t realize before I went was that Botox can take up to 7 days to become effective.  And I’m very impatient.  So I spent most the first few days obsessively checking my frown in the mirror.  Or just frowning and feeling with my fingers.  And then getting more impatient and being really glad that I hadn’t paid for it because clearly it wasn’t working.

Day 3 – see?  Still there!  Although I’ll admit – slightly less.

But here’s Day 7 – now we’re getting some results!  Because try as I will – I can NOT get the frowny face to make the creases!  I just can’t.  Everything still moves, but the creases do not form.  Happiness is achieved.

Just look at how smooth it is up there!  (never mind about the bug eyes and the shiny skin.  I was really trying to get it to crinkle up there for y’all)

It’s supposed to last anywhere from 4 – 6 months.  I wish it was longer because in the end, my opinion is that I love it!  It would definitely do it again sometime, but only if the price comes down because it’s still quite expensive.  And I’m not sure my creases are worth it.  Oh, and I’m cheap.

What do you think – can you see the difference?  Would you get it some day?

So Elle, my BFF eyes & ears on the Toronto G20 front line, came through with a few pictures yesterday on her way home from work.

This particular shot was taken VERY near the centre of the action, right at the perimeter of the protected zone.  Only small protests have taken place so far.  Hopefully it stays that way (click pic to enlarge - if you want).

This morning she was riding the subway to work where she was kept company by a “pack” (that’s what they’re calling them) of 8 policeman with full riot gear.  Do they know something we don’t???  Elle desperately wanted to get a picture for y’all, but didn’t think Toronto’s finest would appreciate it.  I may need to find a braver photographer.

(be sure to cast your vote in yesterday’s poll - I’m unable to make any of my own decisions)

Also, you may have heard that Ontario experienced an earthquake yesterday.  It was only a 5.0 magnitude and very minimal damage was reported - certainly nothing around my area.  But we’re not used to earthquakes up here.  I don’t think I’ve ever experienced one.  And as luck would have it, I almost missed it.

I was in my car at the time and was stopped at a traffic light.  Like usual, my mind was in La-La Land somewhere and the music was on.  Then I felt a little something.  A shake or a shimmy you might say.  To which I thought “is that my car?  Is it running rough?  Did someone just give me a little nudge from behind?  Hmmm.  How odd.”  And that was that.  The light turned green, and off a-shopping I did go.  Oblivious as usual.

Till I heard the news on the radio about 30 minutes later and put 2 and 2 together.  Needless to say it created a LOT of buzz and excitement around here, particularly in downtown Toronto.  With all the G20 preparations, people immediately thought the shaking and rumbling was the result of an explosion.  Thank God it wasn’t.

It also happened right around the time the Mr. Obama’s FIVE big honkin’ military helicopters were performing a test run and many people initially attributed the vibrations to them.  Did you know he often travels in a pack of five copters???  Yes, apparently it confuses the bad guys.  “Which one is he in?  Is it that one?  That one?  Ah forget it – this is just too confusing.”

I wonder if that tactic would also work with the boys, our multiple bathrooms and the never-ending “Where’s Mommy” game?

In case of aftershocks, I need to know quickly:  do we head for the basement or head for the hills?  Stand under a door frame?  Cower in the bathtub?  Run out into the street?  Apply pressure and call 911?  I’m not really up on my natural disaster survival skills (Surferwife – I’m counting on you here).

Have you ever experienced a violent protest or a big earthquake?

Guess where this year’s G20 Summit will be?
Toronto, Ontario

Guess which city I live very close to?
Yes!  Toronto, Ontario

Guess what the G20 Summit is?
Yeah, I didn’t really know either . . .

Apparently, it is a gathering of a bunch of Leaders of various countries from all over the globe.  They get together every year to discuss issues amongst their members, particularly those relating to the global economy.  And it’s happening this weekend.

The list of G20 attendees look strikingly similar to the list of World Cup soccer teams and will include;

• Argentina represented by Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, President
• Australia represented by Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister
• Brazil represented by Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, President
• Canada represented by Stephen Harper, Prime Minister (Host)
• China represented by Hu Jintao, President
• France represented by Nicolas Sarkozy, President
• Germany represented by Angela Merkel, Chancellor
• India represented by Manmohan Singh, Prime Minister
• Indonesia represented by Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, President
• Italy represented by Silvio Berlusconi, Prime Minister
• Japan represented by Naoto Kan, Prime Minister
• Mexico represented by Felipe Calderón, President
• South Korea represented by Lee Myung-bak, President
• Russia represented by Dmitry Medvedev, President
• Saudi Arabia represented by Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz, King
• South Africa represented by Jacob Zuma, President
• Turkey represented by Recep Tayyip Erdo?an, Prime Minister
• United Kingdom represented by David Cameron, Prime Minister
• United States represented by Barack Obama, President

(yes, I realize there’s only 19 countries on the list, but I just copied it from Wiki.  Clearly some country’s invitation was “lost in the mail” or maybe they just brought really bad gifts to the last Summit and the rest of the countries voted them out.  Not sure.  Always pick your “thank you” gifts wisely.)

It’s also a way for the host country to spend a CRAP load of money.  Last I heard, Canada’s bill will be over $1 billion for this event – that lasts 2 DAYS!

Why?  Because apparently securing the safety of World Leaders is big business.  These Summits are known to attract lots of protesters and activists.  Some have even been known to turn very violent.

Some of the precautions being taken?

• Removal of mailboxes, garbage bins, benches, bus shelters, newspaper stands and even some small trees (all potential weapons don’t you know)
• manholes sealed in the “protected zone” (about a 3 block  x 3 block area where most of the big-wig action is taking place)
• boarding up storefront windows
• 66 new CCTV security cameras
• miles of 6 foot high fencing around the entire “protected zone”
• A team of people that are solely responsible for ensuring the food is safe for the Leaders to consume (there will be no fatal poisonings on our watch!)
• Police presence like we’ve never seen.  And military. (mmmmm . . . uniforms . . .. )
• Sound canons (that emit an ear piercing high frequency that can cause pain) and water canons have been brought in (or maybe we already had them.  Not sure)
• cell phone reception will be blocked as each of the Leader’s motorcades arrive and leave the city (apparently bombs can be triggered by cell phones.  Who knew?)
• Residents and workers have been warned to basically “get the heck out of Dodge” if at all possible because the core of the city will virtually be on lock-down
• Airspace restrictions
• Many businesses have closed for the week
• Tourist attractions, theatre productions and sporting events have been canceled in an attempt to keep people away from the downtown core

Pure. Craziness.

Now, as it happens, I live about a 60 minute drive from the protected zone.  When I’m at work, I’m only about 30 minutes away.  I could easily get myself down there to the front lines.

My BFF Elle actually works right downtown.  Immediately beside the protest area.  In a large hospital.  Where they’ve been warned they could have a large influx of emergency room patients if things get ugly.

Which is EXACTLY why I have put her on the payroll as my eyes & ears in the downtown core.  She is to report on any and all action and sightings this week leading up to the Summit.

Then I got to thinking . . . why couldn’t I just drive down there myself, park as close as some nice Mounties will let me and walk the rest of the way in?  But that begged the question – what will I do once I’m down there?

So I’m going to leave it up to you my Bloggies.

Today we will have another addition of . . . WSCD! (What should Cher do)

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All responses will be considered, but not necessarily acted on.  I can’t afford to have my ass land in jail for y’all. Although it could be some very needed downtime . . .  (if you follow me, @Surferwife or @thisisScoMan on Twitter, you know why that word is in bold.  The rest of you should all feel very left out).

Oh, and be sure to come back on Friday to find out what happened with last weeks poll.  You may remember the question posed was “Should Cher get the free botox or not?”

Friday night the boys and I were on the sidelines of Daddy’s soccer game.  It was a beautiful summer evening.  We were enjoying the great weather, the fact that it was the start of the weekend, and the rare opportunity to watch their Daddy play.

Before the game started, the boys were kicking around a ball – naturally.  Because isn’t that what you do EVERY.WAKING.MOMENT when there’s nothing else to do?  No?  Okay, well they were.

As the game was about to start, they returned to our sitting blanket. The Eldest had something in his hand that he had clearly found in the grass.  It looked like one of those small, hard cases for reading glasses.  You know – the kind you can get in the drug store.  I was wrong.

“What’s that?” I inquisitively ask.

“I don’t know” replies The Eldest.

And as I looked closer, I noticed that you can pull it apart.  And it opens.  And . . . THERE’S 2 TAMPONS INSIDE!  (I will take the time to mention that they were new, unused and still wrapped.  Your welcome.)

It was just like this – only black .

Once the case was open, and it’s little wrapped contents were revealed, questions ensued.  Now I will say that The Eldest and I have had chats about boys vs. girls, babies, birth and the like.  But we have not yet gotten down to the nitty-gritty of Aunt Flo, a girl’s monthly visitor.  Because really?  I prefer to impart required info on an age appropriate and need-to-know basis.  I’m not at all shy about discussing such subjects with them, but at age 10, I didn’t think this particular topic was on the priority list quite yet.

The Eldest:  “What are those?”

Me:  my voice in a whispering manner as I lean in closer, so as to give the impression that its private information and we’re not going to be having a big discussion/explanation about it here on the soccer sidelines, surrounded by other families “Oh, those are just girl things.”

Clearly not enough info.  My fault.

The ever-curious Youngest:  “What kind of girl things?”

And I know he’s thinking that perhaps they might be some type of toy or jewelery or something fun that he could play with.

Me:  again with the whispering, private voice “You know, for their vershinas” (it’s their slightly incorrect terminology, but kinda cute so I don’t bother correcting them quite yet)

And then I tell a little white lie to get out of the situation.

“It’s just some special cream.”  Followed quickly by “We should just put it down now – it’s not ours” so as to prevent any thoughts The Youngest would likely have about opening the little packages to investigate the cream further.

At which point I started wondering – how long till they discover my en-suite bathroom drawer filled with wrapped up little “vials of cream”?

But there the subject died.  Either they didn’t find it at all interesting, or the soccer game acted like a memory eraser because there were no follow up questions on the drive home.  Or all weekend for that fact.  Because I was expecting it.  And I was ready.

What would you have said they were?  How do you feel about having “The Talk” with your kids?  There’s nothing wrong with a little white lie, is there?

Submitted for your consideration . . .

You have a real life BFF.  She’s the Admin Assistant for a very prominent Doctor.  A Doctor of Plastic Surgery.  At a leading Canadian hospital.  Who, from time to time, holds training sessions on various techniques for other Doctors who are looking to learning said techniques.

These training sessions often require a “Patient”.  Someone who will allow said technique to be administered to them for such training purposes.

These “Patients” could be considered Saints with very giving hearts that like to help others.  Or just really lucky people.

Anybitches . . . just such a training session came up this week.  It was for Botox injections (which, here in Canada, can only be administered by a Doctor, in a Doctor’s office.  No “Botox Parties” for us).  As I had previously instructed my BFF to place me at the top of the potential training patient list, I received this call;

Elle:  Hey – you want some free Botox?

Me:  WHAT!?

Elle:  Answer the question.

Me:  As in – you’re going to steal some from work and inject me at your house? Ah, no thanks.

Elle:  NO!  He’s doing another training session and needs a Patient.

Me:  Seriously?  Is it free?  Will I have to wear one of those horrible backless hospital gowns in front of a bunch of people?

Elle:  NO!  I mean “no” to the backless gown, but yes – it would be free.

Me:  hmmmm . . .

So my Bloggies, here’s where you come in.

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Submit your vote.  You have my destiny in your hands.

I’ll let you know what I decide in a few days . . . gulp.

Have you ever wanted to get Botox?  And if you’ve had it before, was it a good or bad experience?  Would you do it again?

(Me.  On Sunday night.  As depicted by Google)

As you know, Willie was away for the weekend.  The boys and I had a nice, but busy couple of days that included;

• riding our bikes to a local park so they could try out the jumps
• going for dinner
• watching a DVD
• sleeping in the new bunk bed (yes, all 3 of us – no, I was not on the top)
• an All-Star soccer tryout for The Youngest
• a shop around the hardware store
• inviting one of their friends over
• watching World Cup games
• going to see The Karate Kid movie
• getting a pizza
• another All-Star soccer tryout for The Youngest
• a road hockey game at the park
• grocery shopping

So when they asked if some friends could come over Sunday afternoon to watch the Germany vs. Australian World Cup game, I said “sure”.  Friends would keep my boys busy, while I gave the house a much needed tidy, watered the garden, returned some phones calls, made dinner, etc.  In total there was to be three 10 year olds and two 7 year olds.

I should have known better.

Boys don’t just sit and watch a World Cup soccer game.  They;

• talk incessantly, using VERY loud voices.  Kinda like shouting.  All the time.
• constantly want snacks and drinks
• shoot each other with Nerf guns.  A lot.
• get hurt – then they cry
• spill things
• announce loudly every time they need to use the washroom
• build blanket forts
• trade Pokemon cards
• play Hide & Seek
• tell on each other

They do not watch the game.

And I get very little time to myself.

And Willie now owes me very big.

Can someone PLEASE find a way to increase the number of hours in a day.  In the meantime, I’m going back to work on Monday morning – for a much needed rest.

Have you been thinking about updating your blog design?  Want your own Twitter background?  Wish you had a blog signature or a favicon?  Well, here’s your chance!

Bloggy Blog Designz is having a giveaway!!!   They are giving away blog designs and all kinds of goodies.  Plus ALL entrants will receive 20%off their purchase through the end of the month!  Be sure to check out their website for more information, or to enter yourself (like I just did!).  Take a look at their portfolio and packages to see what’s right for you.

The first 5 entrants will receive a $15 giftcard.  The giveaway will close on June 19th, so be sure to have your posts done and comments left by midnight!  Good Luck to everyone!