So I’ve been meaning to do a post for awhile.

But I haven’t.  Obviously.

And then everyone some people someone started asking me things like ”why haven’t you posted in so long?” and “aren’t you blogging anymore?” and “how much longer do we have to wait for a post?!” until I finally had to say “Listen Mother – I’ve been really busy!  And besides, I talk to you almost everyday – you know exactly what’s happening in the life of The Only Girl so why do you need to read about it on the Internet!”

But that didn’t seemed to satisfy her.

So here’s a post.  For my Mom.  And Willie.  And those other 2 people that keep bugging me. 

I realize its been 2 months, and frankly I’m tired of seeing myself at the bottom of everyone’s blogroll list because of that fact.  Because I do see all your blogs.  Everyday.  I may not post one of my own, and I may not comment on yours very often, but I assure you, I’ve been reading each and every thing you write.

I won’t bother to update you on the past 2 months, but suffice it to say, they’ve been busy.  Not with anything in particular – just life stuff.  And maybe unicycle lessons.  Or a spot on a reality TV show.  Or not.  I’ll leave that up to your imagination.

Oh, and “The E! Network” was launched in Canada!  Which means nightly Chelsea for me, not to mention those crazy Kardashians.  Pure. Bliss.  In fact, I’m willing to go out on a limb and suggest that E! and my PVR could be partly responsible for my blog break.

But here we are.  Boxing Day.  That glorious day when all the craziness of Christmas is finally over and I give myself permission to stay in my pjs, drink coffee and play on my laptop till whenever I damn well please.  And as I write this, at 9am, I am STILL the only one awake in my house!  Now THAT’S a Christmas present!

Hope you all had a wonderful and happy holiday.

mwah!

But I made it back.  Alive and in one piece.  And now wish to be forever known as “The Only Girl Who Has More Courage Than She Ever Thought And Possibly Even A Pair of Balls”.  Why?  Because I flew in a Mini Cooper.  Yeah, that’s right.  A Mini Cooper.  With wings.

Exhibit A - me beside an actual Mini Cooper . . .

Exhibit B – me beside the very tiny plane I flew in last Friday . . .

You’ll notice that they’re both roughly the same size, except one has wings and one doesn’t.  Also?  One tends to hop around in the air, particularly just after take-off, and the other drives smoothly with all 4 wheels firmly and safely on the ground at all times.

For those of you familiar with the Boston MA area, our friend Karen flew us (and by “us” I’m referring to myself, my BFF Elle and Paul-the-Instructor.  Why the Instructor you ask?  Because our friend isn’t fully licensed yet.  But will be very soon.  Although she does have an Aviator jacket & glasses, so she’s as close to an official pilot as you can get.  Isn’t she?) from the Norwood Municipal Airport to the Plymouth (as in the rock) Municipal Airport.  Turns out it was too windy to fly to Martha’s Vineyard as we had initially planned.  But frankly?  I also thought it was a little too windy to fly to Plymouth – but what do I know?

No, we did not get to see the rock.  But we did have a delightful lunch at the airport before agreeing to get back in the plane for the return flight (approximatley 15-20 minutes each way, although it felt SIGNIFICANTLY longer than that from 2500 feet in the air).  We agreed to the return flight partially because we couldn’t afford the cab ride back and partially because I wanted to be one of those people who fly somewhere just to eat a meal, then fly home.

So kudos to Elle and I!  We did it and lived to tell the tale.  Here’s few pictures just in case you require proof . . .

(NOT a very roomy interior.  Note the brave faces and seemingly happy smiles that succeeded in fooling the picture taking Instructor that we’re completely relaxed and enjoying our experience)

(a glimpse of how high up we were – gulp)

(I may appear at ease, but in my head I’m actually saying screaming ”ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod”)

So there you have it.  I’m clearly the bravest blogger in all the land.

And now I’ll leave you with what the marketing world refers to as a “teaser” for my next post . . .

Tune in next time when Cher details her experience with a suitcase and a half of newly purchased American clothes and shoes, and the fine Officers at the Canadian Customs Office that busted her.

(FYI for the Canadian readers- apparently residents of Massachusetts are often referred to as “Massholes”.  Not sure if this is derogatory or not.  My apologies if it is.)

You may remember my super awesome whirlwind trip to Boston & The Cape back in July when this happened;

(Monique, Jessalyn, Kate and me)

And this . . .

(me, CHELSEA HANDLER!, Jess & SurferWife – notice how tightly Chelsea’s hugging me?! Just sayin’)

And this . . .

(yep – me & Heather McDonald!)

Well, I’m heading to Boston again – today!  This afternoon in fact.  But sadly, there will be no blogger meet-up this time.  Nor will there be backstage fun and craziness with Chelsea or Heather McDonald.

Instead I’ll be flying down with my BFF Elle to meet up with another Canadian girlfriend who relocated to just out south of Boston a couple years ago.  This trip will include;

• some much needed girl time
• some equally needed relaxing
• LOTS of shopping.  The Canadian dollar has been kicking some US dollar’s ass lately so I’ll be getting good bang for my shopping buck  (woo hoo for that!) and I’m in desperate need of some new Fall/Winter clothes
• lots of eating – we’re 3 girls who love our grub
• fancy, fruity, girlie drinks

There is one more component to this quickie 3 day trip, however.  Our friend in Boston has spent the summer getting her private pilot’s license.  Yes – as in – to fly a plane.  A very, very, small plane.  A plane you can basically compare to a Mini Cooper with wings.  There’s only 4 seats.  And the front two lift forward to let the passengers in the back.  Elle & I will be the nauseous one’s experiencing cardiac arrest passengers in the back.

And if that isn’t bad enough, the municipal airport she flies out of basically has a grassy take-off strip in a Farmer’s field.  Is this legal in the US?  I choose to assume so.

And if you’re not already worried enough about my safety, I’ll add that we’ll be flying from south of Boston to Martha’s Vineyard. 

So just go ahead and just say it – we’re all thinking it anyway . . . “Geez Cher – isn’t that where JFK Jr., well, you know, died in a small private plane crash?”

YES!  Yes it is!

I know it, and you know it, but we’re not going to concentrate on that fact because Elle is a big scaredy cat and if might freak her out and then she’ll put the kibosh on the whole private plane flight thing.  And that would be a shame because I’ve been lead to believe that the 30-ish minute flight to Martha’s this time of year is beautiful what with the leaves turning colour and all.  AND I’ve spent the last 2 months psyching myself up for it.

So you will all send happy, lucky, positive thoughts my way on Friday when we take that flight.  Otherwise you’re all getting my boys for 1 week each on a rotating basis.

I do hope to be able to blog about it once I return.  Wish me luck.

Would you go up in such a small plane or are we crazy?  Have you ever been in such a small plane and if so, do you recommend bringing a barf-bag?  Do you have a favourite US clothing store that I should be sure to visit?

And what exactly is keeping me so busy?

Here’s a clue - it’s 10 years old, has two legs and a hockey stick.  And it made our Town’s Rep hockey team earlier this year, which started their games and practices in September.

And I haven’t seen my life since.

Because when your Eldest son makes your Town’s Rep hockey team, this is what will happen;

- you will pay $450 to register him for the season that runs from mid-September to approximately March

- then he will be subjected to many vigarous tryout sessions (another $60 for that process FYI)

- when he makes the team, there will be much celebrating by your child & your husband.  You, on the other hand, will be  a) curled up in the fetal position  b) vomiting and c) in tears because you will understand immediately how very busy and expensive your life is about to get

- then you will fork over an additional $1,600 for that pleasure

- and spend approximately $200 in new hockey equipment (because apparently it’s important that the team wears all the same colour helmets, gloves & pants).  It’s the rules people – don’t ask me why.

- and then spend another $300 on team jackets, track suits, shirts, etc so they all look respectable when they show up for games.  Whatever.

- he will be at the rink an average of 5 days per week (this does NOT include his brother’s 2 times per week).  If you include the before time, the game or practice itself, and the time you wait for Mr. Chatty Cathy to come out of the GD change-room afterwards, you end up spending anywhere from 2 – 3 hours at the rink each time.   Rinks are boring.  And cold.  But they do sell really good fries & gravy.

- your family will spend much of their time in the car, driving back and forth to rinks.  When you play hockey for your Town, you play against other Towns.  Towns that may be over an hour away.  So you can just go ahead and add that round-trip driving time to the previous point above.

- as a result of all this physical activity, your son will fall into bed utterly exhausted every night and eat you out of house and home.

But he couldn’t be happier.

Me?  Not so much.  It’s a grueling schedule.  So far his school work hasn’t suffered, but I am keeping a close eye on it.  Fortunately his Coach is also a school teacher so that helps to keep his priorities in line.

Rest assured, we’re under no mis-conseptions.  We are not planning to retire early off the interest from his professional hockey career.  He will likely not be the next Wayne Gretzky.  He will probably never play in the NHL or even get a hockey scholarship.

But we do hope that through all the sacrifices we’re currently making, he will learn the importance of self-discipline, leadership and keeping your body healthy.  What it means to work hard for something you really, really want,  to be part of a team and to make new friends. 

And in the process, we hope he has some fun along the way.

Got any suggestions for how to pass the time in a car or while waiting around a rink?  Can too many fries & gravy give you heart disease?  Am I the only person that can’t grasp what “icing” means???

(name the movie, without using Google, and win my undying respect)

WARNING:  In order for this post to make ANY sense at all, you have to have read my most recent post about unicycles.  It can be found here.

Then you have to picture me doing my best Jessica Fletcher (aka Angela Lansbury) imitation.

So yesterday, I make the short 5 minute drive to our local convenience store for something convenient.  About half way there I pass – you guessed it – a boy on a unicycle.  AGAIN!  I immediately consider a rapid U-turn and some stalking.  Unfortunately a red light foiled my plans and I lost him in a nearby subdivision.

BUT.  Later that same day, I’m sitting out front of my  house.  Willie, the boys and a friend or two are throwing a football around.  I’m flipping through a magazine as I have absolutely no interest, desire nor ability to throw a football around.

When suddenly, my intent reading of the “mascaras in review” section is rudely interrupted by Willie shouting at me from the road.  “Cher!” he barks.  Fearing a football injury had just taken place or a ball was hurling towards my head, I looked up from my work to see him madly pointing at a boy that has just riden past our house ON A UNICYCLE!

I immediately hop into action and run down the driveway shouting “Hey! Buddy!”  I do it for you, dear Readers.  I do everything for you.

The following is the conversation we had, to the best of my recollection . . .

ME:  Hey – just wanted to ask you about the unicycle.  I’ve been seeing lots of them around town lately.  What’s up with the unicycles?  Is it the latest thing?

Teen-aged Boy:  It’s probably just me & my brother you’ve seen (good attempt at covering up the suspicious unicycle activity.  I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that there are more boys involved in this plot than just him and his brother)

ME:  (realizing I’ve probably freaked him out a bit by chasing him down the street, I attempt to smooth things over)  Are they hard to ride?

TB:  Not really.  You get used to it.  It’s like riding a bike (I deem this to also be a cover-up lie.  It’s clearly NOT like riding a bike.  There’s only 1 wheel, no handles and no kick-stand.  In fact I’d hazard to say that it’s the opposite of riding a bike)

ME:  Are they hard to steer?  I guess you just use your body weight, eh?

TB:  Ya.  You get used to it.

ME:  So you’re not training for the circus or anything?

TB:  No . . .

ME:  You just like riding a unicycle?

TB:  Ya.  I guess.

ME:  hmmm.  Very interesting.  Okay cool.  Thanks for the info.

And off I went.  Back to my magazine.  Knowing in my heart of hearts that I did all that I could to get to the bottom of this disturbing trend for my loyal Readers.  At least for today.  But I assure you – the investigation WILL continue.  I will NOT rest until, well, until I’m tired of talking about unicycles.

So, are you buying what he’s selling?  Thoughts?  Comments?  Praise for my investigative work? 

In the past week, I have seen 3 different teenage boys, in 3 different parts of our town, either carrying or riding a unicycle.  A UNICYLE!  Let that sink in for a minute . . . UN-I-CYCLE.

Like this . . .

No, the circus isn’t presently in town.

“Huh?  What’s going on?” I’ve asked myself repeatedly.

I can only come up with 4 options;

1)      The unicycle has become “the in thing” among adolescent boys.  If this is the case I am a) grossly out of touch with current trends  b)wondering who started this?  c) wondering why they started this?

2)      An underground circus has come to town that us adults are unaware of and they’re presently recruiting young, impressionable boys with good balance

3)      Cirque du Soleil has started offering educational scholarships for unicycle riders

4)      A local High School was giving away unicycles for free as a method of green transportation, but only to boys who couldn’t afford a bus pass.

Can you think of any other reasons?  What’s going on?  Have you noticed this trend in your town?  Should I buy the boys unicycles?  Any help would be appreciated.

So yesterday I decided to take to closer look of said “stuff” to see what was really going on in that car.  I present to you a list of items I carried from my car into my house as I arrived home from work last night;

• my lovely Golla laptop bag that contained: a laptop, an agenda book that is way too large (note to self – get a smaller one for 2011), and a few other small office related items (access card, zip drive, bills to be paid, etc).  Okay – this kinda stuff is all perfectly understandable.

•  reusable shopping bag that contained; 2 packs of boy sized boxer shorts, 2 packs of boy sized socks, 2 packs of boy sized “wife beater” undershirts, children’s allergy medicine and a box of snack sized Smart Food (yes, I understand lunch-hours are for eating, but I prefer to use mine for shopping).
• a 7″ Sankotu knife.  Don’t ask.  Also – don’t mess with me when I’m in my car.

• 3 hardcover books I intended to mail to my giveaway winner Mimi except the line up at the post office was about 20 people deep and I had lunch-hour shopping to do and only 1 hour to do it in (sorry Mimi – I’ll get those in the mail for you today).
• My purse.  And let’s not even get into what all I carry in there.  That would be a very long post in itself.
• reusable lunch bag that contained: the remnants of leftover chicken stirfry that I hoovered down at my desk before heading to the mall for my shopping excursion (frankly, I love me some leftovers, but this wasn’t verygood, if you’re asking).
• 3 days worth of mail.  I don’t know about you international people, but in my neighbourhood, the postman/person doesn’t deliver to each house.  Oh no!  That’s just too much work.  Instead we have the Canada Post SuperBox (or StupidBox or NotSoSuperBox) at the end of the street where everyone has to go, with their little key, and check their own private “lock box” every few days.

No wonder my hands were so full!  THAT is a lot of stuff!  WTH?! 

There are so many questions regarding this post - Am I alone or do you always have a handful too?  Do you like my laptop bag? Are you curious as to  why I bought my sons “wife beaters”?  Are you more concerned about the knife?  If your name is Mimi, are you pissed I haven’t mailed your books  yet?  Are you as sad about the crappy leftovers as I am?  Do you get mail delivered right to your house? 

Okay – pick a question and get answering.

Secondly, I feel that I’ve been cheating on my blog lately.  That I’ve been giving more love and affection to Twitter and Google Reader than I’ve been giving to “The Only Girl”.  And I’m starting to feel guilty about it.  And also annoyed with myself. 

Here’s what happens – I intend to write a blog post, so I fire up my computer.  But before I start writing I figure I should check my email, then catch up on Twitter and my Reader.  And by the time that all happens, at least an hour has gone by and any quiet writing time I had has long since expired or I’m too tired.  So a post doesn’t get written. 

But isn’t the point of having a blog to WRITE POSTS?!  Yes.  Of course it is.  Then why am I getting sidetrack with all the other stuff?!  Because the other stuff is easier?  Because the other stuff doesn’t involve much thinking, only reading?  Probably.

But that’s not how I intended it to be when I started out.  So when my little blog celebrated it’s 1st birthday last week, I got to thinking about what I really want from it.  And the answer was not “all the other stuff”.  I want to connect with other people by writing and I want to enjoy doing it.  Some of my writing might be good, a lot of my writing will be bad, but writing is the whole point.

So that’s what I’m going to try to concentrate a little harder on.  Sure – I’ll still be on Twitter, just maybe not quite so much.  Of course I’ll still be reading all your posts, I’m just not going to worry if I get a few days behind in my Reader.  In fact on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (the days I’ve committed to post each week) I’m not even going to open my Reader or Twitter until I’ve written a  post.  Or at least I’ll try really, really hard not to.

Do you sometimes feel like you’re ”cheating” on your blog or am I the only one with no willpower?  What’s your strategy for getting your posts written?

When your eldest son turns 10, and your family’s summer schedule is so busy that you are unable to schedule a birthday party with his friends until a month later, DO  NOT let him talk you into the following;

• Having 4 of his closest buddies over – 4 doesn’t sound like very many, but 10 year olds are big and they are loud.  Especially when they’re all in the same room or in the same car.  It’s really equivalent to having about 14 buddies over.

• Taking the 4 buddies (plus your own 2 boys and a husband) to the movies.  Because this means the count will be Males – 7 against You – 1.  Clearly out-numbered and clearly not fun for you.  Plus?  They eat a lot and will cost you a week’s pay at the concession stand.

• Having the 4 buddies back to your house for a swim, pizza and cake.  I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like once they all reach puberty and their voices change because even with voices like girls they are SO loud.  Think of jack-hammers and concert music.  This is the type of loud I’m speaking of.

• Allowing the 4 buddies to sleep over.  THIS was my big mistake.  Did you know that when 5 boys are in the same room together the loudness and silliness ratio increases exponentially?  AND the discussions are limited to sports, television shows, butts and farts?  AND the more boys that are in a room, the less likely they are to actually sleep?  I can confirm that no truer words have ever been spoken.

Also? 10 year old boys are attention whores.  They have a strong need to always be the centre of attention when in a room with their peers.  They will tell the same joke over and over again if it got a laugh the first time.  They will also use the same silly voice over and over again if it went over well the first time (I can’t tell you how many times I heard the word “semiiiii-circllllle!” and yet I still have no idea what they meant).  They will call someone’s name repeatedly and as loud as is necessary in order to get that person’s attention.  They will fight to the death to get the coveted seat beside the Birthday Boy.

Unfortunately for them, I don’t mind being the very tired bad person who just wants to get some sleep.  Which is why I had to go into their room repeatedly to threaten them with such statements as:

• Okay guys.  You need to settle it down now.  Everyone in their sleeping bags and quiet voices please.
• Guys!  Seriously.  If Willie has to come in here he’s not going to be happy (which was a total lie. Willie would never have gone in there.  but he’s their soccer coach so I thought that statement might carry some weight.  wrong.)
• Stop the pillow fight, turn the light back off and get in your sleeping bags!  It’s 1:00 in the morning!

I was planning to get some payback by waking them up early the next morning, but it seems they beat me to it.

Do you have any suggestions for a quiet party next year?

• I loved reading other people’s, so I thought I might also love writing one of my own
• I didn’t have any other hobbies
• it’s was inexpensive
• I could do it from the comfort of my own home (and in my pjs if I was so inclined)
• it didn’t take up too much time
• I have a REALLY bad memory and wanted to have a journal of stuff that happens in my life and knew I would never write in a journal

So when I signed up to self-host my own WordPress site, I chose the 6 month subscription.  I figured I’d try it for that long and then re-evaluate.  Except that my hosting company threw in another 6 months at no charge.  Which brought me to 1 year.  Which brings me to today.  So today “Happy Birthday!” to my little blog.  It’s brought me much pleasure and many new friends.  I appreciate all of you that have stopped by to read the drivel I choose to write.  And since my subscription automatically renewed for another year while I was recently away on vacation, I guess you’re stuck with me for 12 more months.  Sorry about that.

So in order to celebrate, today I have a giveaway.  Some of you may remember this post.  Well, somehow, the publisher of the third book found it.  And they have been nice enough to provide me with 3 of their books to giveaway! (FYI – stay tuned for my future posts on BMW’s, large screen plasma TVs and vacation resorts . . . just in case any of those companies find me)

All three hardcover books are perfect for kids (the boy ones will find them particularly appealing).  They are written with a science slant to them in the vain of learning, while being really easy to understand, fun to read & entertaining.

Bug Butts is my favourite.  Because what better boy humour is there than the mere word “butt”.  It’s also beautifully illustrated with large colour pictures and talks about all the various kinds of bug butts (spraying, exploding, spinning, shooting . . . who knew?!) and it contains lots of interesting bug butt trivia.  For example – did you know that caterpillars can shoot their poop up to 40 times farther than the length of their bodies???  Talk about a party trick!

Animal Tongues describes different types of, well, animal tongues and what they can do with them.  It also has gorgeous full colour photos, contains trivia and some fun little “experiments” you can try.  Did you know that snakes don’t stick their tongue out through their mouth?  No, no.  It goes through a hole on the top of their mouth.  Like snakes weren’t already gross enough.  AND when it sheds the skin on its body it also sheds the skin ON ITS TONGUE.  Ugh.

Animal Baths is a beautifully illustrated book that details how different animals bathe.  My boys were particularly delighted to learn that turkey vultures clean their legs by squirting poop all over them.  I preferred to focus on the much cuter cat & bird bath processes.

If you have a young boy in your house, intend to eventually have one, or just know a young boy, these books are gold.  All 3 are currently available on Amazon for about $12 each, but today you can win them all right here – for free! 

Simply leave me a comment on this post and you’re entered!  There will be 1 winner for all 3 books.  Contest closes Tuesday August 24/10 at 9pm EST.  I’ll use www.random.org to select a winner.  Contest is open to everyone.  Good luck!

(I did receive 1 copy of each book for myself, but all the opinions are my own)

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